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Failing Forward

January 28, 2014 by Leave a Comment

samson

 

 

 

 

Samson – Failing Forward *
Sycamore Creek Church
Tom Arthur
January 26/27, 2013

Peace friends!

Today we wrap up a series on the life of Samson.  Samson was a judge of Israel, a kind of tribal leader.  He was dedicated from before his birth to save God’s people from the Philistines.  Samson is one of the most frustrating characters in the Bible.  He was given so much from God, but messed up again and again and again.  We’ve learned over the last three weeks that Samson:

  1. Was an incredibly strong man with a destructively weak will;
  2. Was emotion driven, not Spirit-led;
  3. Ruined his life one step at a time.

In the end he had his eyes gouged out, was put in shackles, and was relegated to grinding a mill.  The question we want to wrestle with today is this:

What do you do when you realize you’ve blown it?

What do you do when you’ve done something you can’t undo, when you’ve hurt people you’ve loved, or when you’ve lost all your money?

In this series I’ve been speaking especially to the men in our church.  That’s not to say that women don’t blow it.  But there is something a little bigger that happens when a man blows it.  That’s because women receive value in relationships.  As long as the relationship is intact at the end of the day, all is well.  On the other hand, men tend to like being liked, but it’s not everything.  Men tend to receive value in accomplishments.  At times even relationships are considered “accomplishments.”  Men want respect.  Generally speaking, a man’s greatest fear is failure and his greatest pain is regret.

Men are told to measure up, be successful, live up to your own or others expectations.  And we don’t.  We hold regrets.  You have to tell your faithful wife about your online porn addiction or your office affair.  You are in a career that feels beneath you while your friends are doing better.  You regret not marrying someone, and now you’re alone years later.  Your marriage is pathetic, and you know it and are resigned to it and don’t do anything about it.  You’ve failed inwardly by not living up to a promise made to yourself or God: “I’ll never do it again”…until Thursday.  What regrets do you carry?

Here’s a truth to wrap your mind around: A failure is an event, never a person.  Samson failed over and over and over again, and God still accomplished his purposes through him.  Just because you’re down, doesn’t mean your out.  Let’s look and see what happens when Samson is down.

Judges 16:23-26 NRSV
Now the lords of the Philistines gathered to offer a great sacrifice to their god Dagon, and to rejoice; for they said, “Our god has given Samson our enemy into our hand.” When the people saw him, they praised their god; for they said, “Our god has given our enemy into our hand, the ravager of our country, who has killed many of us.” 

And when their hearts were merry, they said, “Call Samson, and let him entertain us.” So they called Samson out of the prison, and he performed for them. They made him stand between the pillars; and Samson said to the attendant who held him by the hand, “Let me feel the pillars on which the house rests, so that I may lean against them.” 

Here’s the context.  The Philistines are gathered in a coliseum-like temple that holds between 3000 and 5000 people.  They’re there to worship their god Dagon, the god of the harvest who has a man head and fish body.  They’re recounting how Samson has caused them all kinds of problems remembering the foxes and jawbone incidents.  And now Samson is told to perform for their entertainment.  It doesn’t get any lower than this!  Samson is surely at the bottom of his life as a failure.

Remorse
There are two responses to failure I want to explore today. The natural response to failure is remorse: “I feel bad about what I did.”  Too often men stop here.  Inward they say, “I’m a failure.”  Outward they say, “I’m a victim.  It’s all someone else’s fault.”  There is a better response to failure than remorse.

Repentance
The better response to failure is repentance.  Repentance is one of those really churchy words, isn’t it?  It conjures images of street corner preachers on soap boxes with bull horns.  “Repent you sinners.  You’re going to burn and fry in hell!”  But that’s not necessarily what a biblical idea of repentance is.

There are two words in the Bible that get translated as repentance.  The first is the Greek word “metnoia.”  Metnoia means to change one’s heart and mind.  The second is the Hebrew word “shuv.”  Shuv means to turn.  So repentance can be understood as changing one’s heart and mind in a way that leads to turning ones life in a different direction.  It’s not just an intellectual or emotional thing.  Although it includes both.  It’s not just an action thing.  But it definitely includes action.  It is an inward change that results in an outward change.  It is being convinced that you are going the wrong way and turning around and going the other way.  It means owning your fault.  “It’s my fault.  I blew it.”  Then turning away from that which you did that was wrong and turning toward that which you know to be right.  You ruin your life one step at a time, but when you repent you turn around and point your life back in the right direction.

Repentance doesn’t always mean that everything gets better quick.  There are some things that are hard to undo.  There are even some things you can’t undo.  When Sarah and I had our first boy, Micah, I took lots of pictures during labor.  When I got home but before I caught up on sleep, I uploaded them to iPhoto on my iMac computer.  Now iPhoto has a feature where you can instantly upload pictures you choose to share on Facebook.  I thought I carefully selected some photos to share on Facebook but what I did instead was shared all the photos on Facebook!  I realized my mistake only when I got a notification from Facebook that one of the teenagers in our church had commented on the album saying, “Wow.  Thanks for sharing such intimate moments with us.”  I did  my best to quickly pull the photos off of Facebook, but to those of you who were subjected to my mistake, I apologize.  Actually, I should apologize to my wife!  Very few pictures were actually of me!

Thankfully I could undo that mistake for the most part.  But there are moments in our digital culture when you can’t undo it, like this commercial:

 

While you can’t “unsend,” you can repent.  You can be both motivated to change and actually change your behavior.  You can remember who you were created to be—you were created to honor and glorify God with your life—and you can choose to honor and glorify God with your life.  You can choose not to let what you did keep you from doing what God wants you to do now.  You cannot change the past, but you can change your future with God’s help.

Samson realizes that he’s blown it pretty hard, and he prays to God:

Then Samson prayed to the Lord, “Sovereign Lord, remember me. Please, God, strengthen me just once more, and let me with one blow get revenge on the Philistines for my two eyes.”
Judges 16:28 NIV

Samson prays, “God, I only need one more chance.”  Is this prayer of Samson’s about Samson or about God?  It seems to me that it is still about Samson’s revenge.  Sometimes when we’re down and out and feel the remorse of failure, we pray to God out of desperation, but we don’t really want to live a new life.  We want God to make it all right.  We want our lives back.

Here’s the amazing moment of God’s grace.  Even in the mixed motives of Samson’s last prayer and in our own mixed motives, God is gracious and merciful.  Even in our failures, God can still accomplish his purposes.  God’s purpose in Samson’s life was to start to deliver Israel from the Philistines.  The Israelites had begun to so closely assimilate into Philistine culture that they were close to being indistinguishable.  God used Samson’s failures to save God’s people from being absorbed into the broader culture and lost forever.

God strengthened Samson again.  Friends, you have the same Spirit living in you that raised Christ from the dead!  Sure you messed up.  Sure you feel weak.  Sure you feel remorse.  But Jesus was dead.  No pulse.  Down and out.  There’s no coming back from that.  And God raised him from the dead!  So you messed up.  That’s makes your story even better!

Men, it’s time to push some pillars down.  What pillars do you need to push down? How are you going to do it?  You’ve got a pillar of pride in your life: I can handle it.  Push it down.  Say, “I need help. I’m alone. I messed up. I don’t know how to get out.”  Tell someone you need help!  You’ve got a pillar of anger in your life: I’m mad at the world;  I’m mad at myself.  Push it down.  Get a counselor.  Read a book about anger.  Find a mentor who has overcome their anger.  You’ve got a pillar of slacker spirituality in your life: you’re an occasional attender at worship.  Don’t just feel bad about it.  Turn around and get to worship regularly.  You’ve got a pillar of a dead marriage in your life.  So be honest about it and set up a good time to have an honest talk with your wife and recommit to new positive behaviors.  Find a couple you appreciate and have them mentor you.  Go to a marriage retreat.  Pick up a book or audio CD or listen to marriage sermons.  You’ve got a pillar of debt in your life.  Push it down!  Tighten the belt.  Set a budget.   Break greed by giving generously the full tithe or more. What pillar or pillars need to be pushed down in your life?

Now we can’t ignore one crucial fact about the end of Samson’s life.  It was a suicide.  Is that how you push down the pillar?  You just decide that you’re so far gone that this world would be better off without you?  Yes, Samson took his life, and God ended an age of judges ruling Israel.  He was the last.  God then brought in the age of the Kings.  But here’s the hitch.  Suicide is easy.  You give your life one time.  Here’s what’s hard: give your life daily.  They give their lives to God daily.  They give their lives to their wives daily.  They give their lives to their kids daily.  They give their lives to their church daily.  They give their lives to their community daily.  They give their lives to the job daily.  Real men give their lives daily so that God’s purposes might come true in their own lives and the lives of those around them.  Real men push down the pillars that get in the way of God’s purposes daily.  Are you pushing down pillars today?

Here’s the first pillar you need to push down: give up your life.  Give it up to the one who has already given up his life for you.  Give it up to the one who showed his love for us by dying not just for friends but for his enemies.  Give your life up to following Jesus and his way.  How do you do that?   You ask Jesus to be your forgiver and leader.  You give your failures to him and you say, “Jesus, forgive me for the things I have done wrong.”  Then you let him lead you.  You say, “Jesus, I give you my entire life to lead.  Do with me as it pleases you.”  Then you get in the adventure of the rescue mission that Jesus has begun here on this earth, helping others push down the pillars in their lives.  Are you ready?

God may it be true in the lives of the men at Sycamore Creek Church.  May you use the men in our church to push down the pillars daily in their own lives and the lives of others around us.  Push down the pillars that keep us from being fully committed to you.  In the name of Jesus and the power of your Holy Spirit.  Amen!

* This sermon is based on a sermon first preached by Craig Groeschel

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Small Steps Toward Big Destruction

January 20, 2014 by Leave a Comment

samson

 

 

 

 

 

Samson – Small Steps Toward Big Destruction *
Sycamore Creek Church
Tom Arthur
January 19/20, 2014
Judges 16

Peace friends!

Today we continue in a series exploring the life of Samson, one of the strongest men who ever lived on the earth.  We’re applying the lessons to the men around us, but many of the principles are true for women too.  And women can also learn more about the men in their lives so that they know better how to partner with and pray for them.

Samson was chosen by God before he was even born to deliver his people, the Israelites, from their enemies, the Philistines.  He was called a “judge” in his day, and a “judge” was kind of like a tribal leader.  He had so much potential but he wasted it away on lust, entitlement, and pride.  We learned the last two weeks that Samson was:

  1. An incredibly strong man with a dangerously weak will (Satan likes to make strong men weak, but God makes weak men strong).
  2. Emotion driven, not Spirit-led (when a man lets his deepest need drive him to God, God meets his deepest need).

Samson led Israel for 20 years, a very long time.  So how can a man with so much potential, end up so poorly?  Here’s a key thought for the day:

Samson didn’t mess up his life all at once, he did it one step at a time.

Let’s see how Samson’s life plays out one step at a time.  We read:

One day Samson went to Gaza, where he saw a prostitute. He went in to spend the night with her.
Judges 16:1 NIV

Here we go.  One day.  What happened one day?  Here’s what happened.  Samson walked to Gaza.  Gaza is the headquarters of the Philistines and is 25 miles from his hometown.  25 miles.  To walk 25 miles would take 56,250 steps.  That’s 56,250 steps to destruction.  56,250 opportunities to stop.

No guy starts out saying, “In ten years I want to be a sex addict, obsessed in a fantasy world that is destroying my real world.”  It begins one day with a step: seeing an ad on Facebook.  Step.  Clicking the ad through to a youtube video.  Step.  Picking up the SI swimsuit issue.  Step.  Going a little deeper with softcore porn.  Step.  Going further with hardcore porn.  Step.  Consuming porn all…the…time.  STEP!

No guy starts out saying, “I want to go broke and bankrupt and have to beg for bucks.”

It begins one day with a step: a daily $4 coffee on the credit card.  Step.  Buying a new car.  Step.  Buying a boat.  Step.  Taking out a second mortgage.  Step.  Gambling to try to fix it all quick.  Step.  Deciding to start a new business when he can’t even balance his own check book.  Step.  Bankrupt.  STEP!

No guy starts out saying, “I want to destroy my marriage and my family.”  It begins one day with a step: looking up an old girlfriend on Facebook.  Step.  Sending a text.  Step.  Getting together for lunch.  Step.  A hug to say goodbye.  Step.  Jumping in bed.  Step.  Adultery that destroys your marriage.  STEP!

Today we’re going to explore three steps to Samson’s destruction.

Taunting the Enemy
When the Philistines realize that Samson is among them at Gaza they make plans to capture him, but he leaves early in the morning and eludes their trap.  But escaping isn’t enough for Samson.  He has to insult them in the process.  So he rips the doors of the city off their hinges and puts them on a hill for all to see.  This is no small feat.  This isn’t the hollow core door to your bedroom.  The doors to a city were massively reinforced to keep battering rams from breaking in.  These things probably weighed 700 or more pounds!  It’s like Samson is flipping off his enemies.  He’s taunting them and underestimating them.

Friends, too often we taunt and underestimate the enemy.  We read in scripture that the enemy of God is out to steal, kill, and destroy and is roaring around like a lion seeking someone to devour (John 10:10).  And we pretend that it’s like we’re at the zoo with a powerful cage between us and that lion, so we taunt our enemies.

One day I taunted and seriously underestimated my opponent.  I was with my roommate from college, Greg, and my new girlfriend, Sarah, soon to be wife.  For some reason, I don’t exactly remember why, I decided to wrestle my roommate.  I do know why.  I was trying to impress Sarah!  And when you’re trying to impress a girl the blood isn’t always flowing to the right parts of the brain.  The blood was definitely not flowing to the right part of my brain in that moment, because Greg was not someone you wanted to wrestle with.  He was a farm boy from Wisconsin.  He grew up wrestling steer into submission and throwing bails of hay onto trucks.  The man was and still is cut out of stone.  He is the first real person I saw up close and personal who had a real six-pack ab.  Not only this but Greg’s primary sport in high school was wrestling!  So what was I thinking trying to impress my girl by wrestling with my roommate?  He took me down in less than two seconds and held me there long enough to really let the embarrassment set in.  It’s the last time I tried to impress Sarah with my physical prowess, or lack thereof.  Thankfully Greg was not really out to steal, kill and destroy me.  He was my friend after all.  But he wasn’t going to let me score a quick point with my girlfriend at his expense.

Friends, too often we treat our enemy the way I treated Greg.  We put ourselves in tempting situations and underestimate and taunt the enemy.  We struggle with lust and then we go hang out in our girlfriend’s room.  We are married but we go out to a club on a business trip out of town.  (Side note: do you know that research has shown that most affairs are not caused by marital strife or marital dissatisfaction.  Most affairs are caused by opportunity!  It’s the affair that causes the marital strife and dissatisfaction. Read more here: http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201206/promise-promiscuity).  We’re taunting the enemy.  We know that our family has a history of alcoholism but we decide one drink won’t hurt.  Then two.  Then three.  Then four.  Then five, and we’re smashed.  We don’t really have the money to buy a new car, but we go walk around the car lot “just window shopping.”  The first car I bought in my marriage was bought when I went to just look on the lot.  I didn’t plan to buy a car that day, but I got hooked.  Paul reminds us:

So if you think you are standing, watch out that you do not fall.
1 Corinthians 10:12 NRSV

Friends, don’t taunt the enemy.  Don’t underestimate the pitfall.  Stay humble.

Rationalizing the Same Old Sin
So far we’ve encountered two Philistine women in Samson’s life.  The first we read about last week was someone he wanted to marry.  It didn’t go well for anyone involved.  The second we just read about was a Philistine prostitute.  Two Philistine women and we haven’t even gotten to the most well known Philistine woman: Delilah.  But she’s about to come on the scene, and this is the third time that Samson is messing around with a Philistine woman.  (Side note: the issue here is not the difference in race.  There is no command in the Bible not to marry interracially.  The problem is that the Philistines worship another God.  The problem is a faith problem, not a race problem.)  So we read:

After this he fell in love with a woman in the valley of Sorek, whose name was Delilah.
Judges 16:4 NRSV

Too many of us say, “This is my one thing…This is no body’s business…I’m not hurting anyone…I’m always just looking…Nobody will find out.”  I have a friend who told me the other day that when he first got married he would go to the gym and take his ring off.  He took his ring off because there was this cute girl who was there at the gym, and he wanted to make sure he still had “it” even though he was now hitched.  So he flirted a little here and there, and it worked.  She asked him out.  Whoa!  She asked out a married guy she didn’t even know was married.  The problem here isn’t her problem.  The problem is with my friend.  He wanted to see if he still had it, and he deceived this young woman in order to meet his own needs of insecurity.  Thankfully he manned up to the situation and told her he was married, but the damage was already done.  He was taunting the enemy.

Back to Samson:

The lords of the Philistines came to [Delilah] and said to her, “Coax him, and find out what makes his strength so great, and how we may overpower him, so that we may bind him in order to subdue him; and we will each give you eleven hundred pieces of silver.”
Judges 16:5 NRSV

So she goes to Samson and asks to know his secret.  He tells her three different lies to the source of his strength: straps, ropes, and a pin in his hair.  Each time she binds him in the way that he says and the Philistines rush in to attack him, and he breaks out of the binding and beats them.  The third time he gets pretty close to telling the truth but not quite.  It’s like he’s walking up to the line but not crossing.

What amazes me is he keeps this game up.  The first time he tells her a secret and she shares it.  He does it again.  She shares the secret.  He does it again.  She shares the secret.  When will he learn?  Too late.

Then she said to him, “How can you say, ‘I love you,’ when your heart is not with me? You have mocked me three times now and have not told me what makes your strength so great.”  Finally, after she had nagged him with her words day after day, and pestered him, he was tired to death.
Judges 16:15-16 NRSV 

Samson was strong enough to kill a thousand men, lift a 700 pound door, slay a lion, but wasn’t strong enough to lead a woman.  Men don’t just be strong in business, hobbies, and sports but be strong leading people to God.  Be strong in righteousness, right relationships with God, with others, and with yourself.  Samson doesn’t have it.  He tells her his true secret:

So he told her his whole secret, and said to her, “A razor has never come upon my head; for I have been a Nazirite to God from my mother’s womb. If my head were shaved, then my strength would leave me; I would become weak, and be like anyone else.”
Judges 16:17 NRSV

It’s kind of like he’s remembering for a moment who he was created to be: A Nazarite dedicated to God to save his people from their enemies.  He was dedicated from before birth!  Who were you created to be?  What gifts, passion, and callings are on your life to bring glory to God?  You were made to have a purpose, even several purposes.  You were made for more than just lust, entitlement, and pride.  Samson gives away what he was made for for the same old sin.

She let him fall asleep on her lap; and she called a man, and had him shave off the seven locks of his head. He began to weaken, and his strength left him.
Judges 16:19 NRSV

There it is.  The enemy has him.  How many men out of disobedience of God are doing battle with their own strength and missing God’s strength?  Your strength has left you.  Samson’s “one vice”, his “one sin” catches up with him.

The Cost of Disobedience
So far we’ve looked at two steps that let to Samson’s destruction: he taunted and underestimated the enemy and he rationalized the same old sin.  The third step is this: he assumed his disobedience would never cost him.

Then she said, “The Philistines are upon you, Samson!” When he awoke from his sleep, he thought, “I will go out as at other times, and shake myself free.” But he did not know that the Lord had left him.
Judges 16:20 NRSV

Sometime your sin will catch up to you.  You’ll go to your wife, and she’ll say “That’s enough” and the marriage will be over.  You’ll promise your kids another empty promise (even if you really truly mean it this time), and they’ll say “That’s enough” and will give up on you.  You’ll go to your boss and apologize for not doing the work, and she’ll say, “That’s enough” and your job will be done.  Your sin will find you out.  There will be consequences.

We read about the consequences to Samson’s sin:

So the Philistines seized him and gouged out his eyes. They brought him down to Gaza and bound him with bronze shackles; and he ground at the mill in the prison.
Judges 16:21 NRSV

This didn’t happen all at once out of the blue.  It happened one small step at a time. Where are you stepping away from God?  Be honest.

No time in the Bible.  Step.
No time in prayer.  Step.
A sense of entitlement: I deserve this!  Step.
Giving in to lust: I want it!  Step.
Living in pride: I can handle it!  Step.
Blowing up in anger.  Step.
Apathetic to God.  Step.
Greed for more.  What you have is never enough.  Step.
Financial disobedience.  Not bringing the full tithe to God.  Step.

You are only as strong as you are honest!  How honest are you with God and those around you?  How honest are you with yourself?

So if you are stepping away from God in any way, what should you do?  Turn around!  Go the other way!  It’s not too late! It’s that simple!  Turn around.  When you turn around, who will be right there waiting for you?  God!  In God you will find grace.  Samson’s story isn’t over.  We read:

But the hair of his head began to grow again after it had been shaved.
Judges 16:22 NRSV

It is a sign of grace.  His hair begins to grow again.  That which gives you strength will grow again!  No matter how many steps down the road you have gone away from God, your life is not a waste.  Turn around and you will find God right there waiting for you and God’s grace will begin to grow your hair again.

God, may the men who hear this message not taunt and underestimate the enemy.  May the men who hear this message not become complacent in the same old sin.  May the men who hear this message not assume that their sin will have no consequence.  May the men who hear this message turn around and find you, and may your grace begin to grow their strength again.  In the name of Jesus and in the power of your Spirit at work in us.  Amen.

 

* This sermon and the series are based on a sermon series originally preached by Craig Groeschel.

 

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Emotional Strength *

January 13, 2014 by Leave a Comment

samson

 

 

 

 

 

Samson – Emotional Strength *
Sycamore Creek Church
January 12/13, 2014
Tom Arthur 

Peace friends!

Today we continue a series exploring Samson, the judge of Israel who had high highs and low lows.  Samson was set aside at birth for God to save the people from the Philistines. Israel had become so closely connected and assimilated with the Philistines that they were at risk of losing their own identity and God’s call on their lives.  Samson was a man of great potential but made self destructive decisions.  He was an incredibly strong man with a dangerously weak will.  Last week we saw that he struggled with lust (I want it!), entitlement (I deserve it!), and pride (I can handle it!).  In the midst of those struggles this strong man became weak.  Today we’re going to explore a further key idea in Samson’s life:

Samson was emotion-driven not Spirit-led.

Now it may seem odd to say that a man known for his strength was emotion-driven.  We men don’t like to think of ourselves as emotional.  We say that women are emotional, and men are strong.  But this isn’t really true.  The difference is more about how men and women process emotion.  Women talk.  Men act.  Women say, “Come over and have tea so we can talk.”  Men do beer and balls…football, basketball, baseball, hockeyball.

Let me give you an example from my own marriage.  Here’s the difference between parenting styles with me and Sarah when it comes to potty training.  Sarah likes to talk it out with Micah: “Micah, do you need to go potty?  Micah, don’t you think you should give it a try?  Micah, it’s so much easier to go potty than to change a diaper.”  She tries to creatively cajole him into it.  The more frustrated she gets the more she talks to him about what he should do.  Here’s how I make it work: “Micah, go sit on the potty.”  If he doesn’t go, I pick him up and make him go.  The more frustrated I get, the fewer words I use and the more I rely on physical power to persuade.  Sarah: Creative Cajoler.  Tom: Physical Power to Persuade.

While generalizations are not always true, this one can be helpful for our exploration of Samson today.  Too often men allow their emotions to lead their actions.  You need to engage with kids when you get home, but you sit in front of the TV because you’re emotionally fried after working hard.  You do or say something and should apologize, but you don’t because of pride.  Someone angers you and you explode in anger even though you know you shouldn’t.

Paul, the first Christian missionary said:

Live by the Spirit, I say, and do not gratify the desires of the flesh.  For what the flesh desires is opposed to the Spirit, and what the Spirit desires is opposed to the flesh…
Galatians 5:16-17 NRSV

Emotions aren’t always bad, in fact they’re a gift.  But when we let our emotions take over, they become the “flesh” that Paul is talking about that is opposed to God’s Spirit at work in us.

So let’s get to Samson.  We find in the story of Samson a battle of the riddle.  Samson has a competition with a bunch of other guys around a riddle.  Do men always have to compete?  But he doesn’t leave it at a competition. He adds a bet.  Do men always have to bet to make the competition fun?  Here’s the riddle:

Out of the eater came something to eat.
Out of the strong came something sweet.
Judges 14:14 NRSV

So the answer to this riddle is a lion and honey.  Samson killed a lion, came back later and found in its corpse a bunch of bees and honey.  The Philistine men can’t figure it out, so they threaten Samson’s Philistine wife (not Delilah), and she cries to Samson and gets the answer from him.  He tells her, and she tells them.  They solve the riddle and Samson is furious.  He says:

If you hadn’t plowed with my heifer, you would not have found out my riddle.
Judges 14:18 NRSV

OK, guys.  First, don’t let another guy plow with your wife.  Second, don’t call your wife a heifer!  Instead of being led by the Spirit, Samson becomes driven by his emotion, particularly his anger.  He takes the lives of 30 innocent men to pay his bet.  Samson then leaves the party, and his wife’s dad thinks that he’s abandoned his daughter so he gives her to another man.  Samson comes back several weeks later and finds that his wife has been given to someone else.  So he takes 150 foxes, ties them together, lights their tails on fire, and sets them lose in the Philistine grain fields.  Philistines become furious and burn Samson’s wife and her dad.

Anger leads to a destructive cycle of violence in Samson’s life and becomes Samson’s default emotion.  But what did Samson have to be angry about?  He chose to marry with “uncircumcised Philistines” (this is a religious distinction not ethnic distinction), against his parents’ advice.  He picked the riddle.  He gave the answer away.  He took the foxes to burn the field.  Who should Samson be angry with?

Too often anger becomes the default emotion of many men.  We’re angry at the world, when we should be angry at ourselves.  We end up taking it out on someone else.  My wife won’t meet my physical needs, but have you met her emotional needs?  My kids don’t want to spend time with me now, but did you spend time with them then?  I’m angry at God about my circumstances, but they are the natural consequences of my choices.  Let’s call it what it is: I need forgiveness.  I need accountability.  I need to apologize to my kids, my wife, my boss, etc., and I need make real changes.  [Side note: wives, when your husband apologizes, receive the apology.  You are on humble ground.  Yes, keep your expectation of changed behavior, but an apologizing husband is a humbled husband.]

The anger and violence in Samson raises all kinds of questions about God, God’s people, and how God works in our world.  We read:

The spirit of the Lord rushed on him, and the ropes that were on his arms became like flax that has caught fire, and his bonds melted off his hands.  Then he found a fresh jawbone of a donkey, reached down and took it, and with it he killed a thousand men.
Judges 15:14-16 NRSV

How can God’s Spirit give him power and he be so violent?  Here’s a distinction that is very important to understand.  We can have the gifts of God’s Spirit in us and lack the fruit of God’s Spirit.  What do I mean?  Think about that passage about love that gets read at every wedding you’ve ever been at.  It’s from Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians and it says:

If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.  And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.  If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Corinthians 13:1-3 NRSV

You can have the supernatural gift of tongues and speak in all kinds of language but without love, you’re a noisy gong.  You can prophecy about the future in miraculous ways, but without love you’re nothing.  You can have amazing faith in God, but without love it’s nothing.  You can choose voluntary poverty and asceticism, but without love you’re really poor.  In other words, God gives all of us gifts, some of them quite impressive on the outside, but the character traits of God’s Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control—may be totally absent.  We can have external excellence and internal rot.  We are then white-washed tombs.

Angry, violent and abusive men are often loved by many, and many are surprised to find that at home they verbally or physically abuse their wives.  Powerful spiritual leaders can lead secret sinful lives (which is really most of us!).  Samson is super strong but without love he is just an aggressive animal, a violent tyrant, a brutal bully.  To be Spirit-led is to have not just the gifts of God’s Spirit at work in us but also the fruit, to have the talent and the character of Christ. 

I have had to wrestle with anger myself.  I’ve had to look at the rot in my own life.  Anger has raised its head more often that I would like.  Something I’ve come to notice is that anger is not the opposite of love, apathy is the opposite of love.  Anger and love are often very closely related.  In fact, anger by itself isn’t necessarily bad.  One book I read suggested that anger is a physiological readiness to respond (Neil Clark Warren, Make Anger Your Ally).  Anger is actually a secondary emotion to frustration, fear, or hurt.  Anger has a lot of power in it, but we need to take that power and put it purpose, to let it be Spirit-led rather than destructive.  Paul tells us:

Be angry but do not sin.
Ephesians 4:26 NRSV 

Anger by itself is not a sin.  It’s what you do with the anger.  Will you let it be led by the character of Christ in you?  Let me suggest from my own wrestling with anger a To Do List and a To Don’t List.  First the To Don’t list:

To Don’t List

  1. Don’t curse at your loved ones.  When was the last time you called your wife a word that better describe a female dog?  Don’t ever call your wife a B#%^&.  Don’t do it.  Just don’t.  It’s not kind or gentle.  Don’t aim any curse words at her.  Don’t use aggressive language to try to motivate your wife or your kids.  That’s being emotion-drive rather than Spirit-led.
  2. Don’t belittle your loved ones.  Don’t tell your loved ones how bad they are.  Don’t tell them they’re worthless or won’t amount to anything.  Don’t tell your wife this or your kids.  Don’t tear down your family with your words.  That’s being emotion-driven, not Spirit-led.
  3. Don’t use physical power to coerce your wife.  Don’t try to get your wife to do what you want her to do by treating her like she’s a toddler.  You don’t pick your wife up and move her.  She is her own person.  You don’t discipline your wife as though she were a child.  You don’t hit your wife in any way.  This is being emotion-driven rather than Spirit-led.
  4. Don’t always use physical power with your kids.  If your go-to method of discipline with your kids is always physical power, you are allowing anger to drive you rather than creative loving discipline.  Yes, restraint is often warranted.  Holding your kids back from hurting themselves is one thing.  Hitting them or pushing them is another.  If you find yourself not being very creative in your discipline and resorting to physical power over and over again, you’re being emotion-driven rather than Spirit-led.

To Do List

  1. Slow it down.  When you’re angry, you’ve got to slow things down.  Emotions and decisions can add up quickly.  How do you slow it down so that you can be Spirit-led rather than emotion-driven?  Here’s how…
  2. Walk away and cool down.  When you get angry you enter into a state of being flooded.  When your heart-beat gets over 100BMP, all kinds of things are happening in your body with adrenaline and hormones.  You won’t think straight when your heartbeat hits 100BPM.  You’ve got to walk away and let your body get back to a normal state so that you’re Spirit-led and not emotion-driven.
  3. Ask yourself: “What do I really want?”  That’s a key question that often gets lost  amidst anger.  The end goal gets missed and short-term goals of dominating the moment take over.  “What do I really want?” requires you think about what God really wants in that situation, and that’s being Spirit-led rather than emotion-driven.
  4. Come back and talk it out.  Take the initiative to come back.  Take the initiative to talk it out.  Don’t let your wife be the one who always brings difficult topics up.  Be a leader in your family.  Talk about the hard stuff.  God is in the hard stuff.  That’s being Spirit-led rather than emotion-driven.
  5. Identify and be aware of anger triggers.  Notice over time what things or situations trigger anger in you.  Consider keeping an anger journal.  The more aware you are of your anger triggers, the more you can use the power of anger to Spirit-led purposes rather than emotion-driven action.
  6. Use your anger to give you power to creatively seek what you want (long-term) rather than the short-term (explosion).  Use the power of anger to motivate you to find creative ways to discipline your kids (ask for help!), creative problem solving with your wife (ask for help!), and loving solutions.  Love is looking for the solution you would want if you were the person you were angry with.  That’s being Spirit-led rather than emotion-driven.
  7. Let your need drive you to God, and God will meet your deepest need.  Acknowledge you are in need.  Back to Samson:

By then he was very thirsty, and he called on the LORD…
Judges 15:18 NRSV

This is the first time that Samson called on the Lord through all of this!  He basically ignores God through this entire angry outburst with the Philistines, but when he finally acknowledges his need for water—a need that he can’t solve by himself—he meets the Lord again.

Men, when you call out to God, God’s strength comes in your weakness.  You can be a Spirit-led man of strength (gifts) and love (fruit) rather than an emotion-driven man of anger.  Acknowledge your need for God today and let the Spirit of God make you strong in love for God, love for your family, and all those around you.

God, may it be so in the lives of every man today.  Amen!

 

* This sermon series is based on a series by Craig Groeschel

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