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What On Earth Am I Here For? – Called To Be Loved *

October 13, 2015 by Leave a Comment

whatonearth

What On Earth Am I Here For?  – Called To Be Loved *
Sycamore Creek Church
October 11/12, 2015
Tom Arthur

Peace friends!

Today we continue in this series What On Earth Am I Here For?  We’re asking the question: why do I exist?  What purpose or meaning does my life have?  What is my calling?  Over the next five weeks we’re going to look at five dimensions of your calling.

To understand your life’s purpose & calling you must begin with God’s nature.  Because God created you, it all starts with God.  John, one of Jesus’ closest followers summed up God saying simply:

“God is love.”
~1 John 4:8

God is love.  Plain and simple.  It is God’s nature, God’s essence.  Everything was created as an object of God’s love!  The only reason there is love in the universe is because God is love.  And humans are made in the image of God.  Ants and snails don’t love.  They don’t love because they aren’t made in the image of God.  But humans love because we reflect who God is: love.

The first purpose of my life is to BE LOVED BY GOD!  Not to serve God or obey God or trust God or something for God, but to be loved by God.  Your first calling is to let God love you.  Let this sink in.  Your first duty is NOT to do anything.  Not learn.  Not listen. Not pray.  Not give.  Just be loved by God.  Exhale…My first calling in this life, the first reason I exist is to enjoy a relationship with God.  It’s not about a role or a responsibility or a rule or a regulation or a ritual!  It’s about God.

But what kind of relationship is this?  Does God want you to be his worker? No! Citizen?  No!  Slave?  No!  Servant?  No!  Soldier?  No!  We catch a glimpse of the relationship God wants from John:

“What an incredible quality of love the Father has shown to us, that we should be named and called and counted the children of God! And so we are!”
~1 John 3:1 (Amplified Bible)

Children of God.  This is your number one calling life.  To be a son or daughter of God.

Why would God do this? God does this to express God’s love!  God’s love is extravagant, lavish, and beyond comprehension.  God loves you on bad days and good days.  God will never love you any more or less than right now!  God’s love is expansive:

“I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts as you trust in him. May your roots go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love really is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it.”
~Ephesians 3:17-19 (NLT)

How wide?  Wide enough to be everywhere!  There’s no place you can be where God isn’t!  You may feel alone,   but you never will be alone!  How long?   Long enough to last forever!  Human love wears out. We fall in and out of love all the time, but God will never stop loving you.  How deep?   Deep enough to handle anything! No matter what pain or hurt or problem.  Even if you feel like you’re in the “pit of hell.”  When you think you’ve hit bottom, God’s love is deeper.  God’s love is deeper and so God is able to lift you up!  How high?  High enough to overlook my mistakes!  God offers to forgive you & help you start over!  God wanted you here so God could say to you, I LOVE YOU!

How would your life change if you felt completely and unconditionally loved by God every moment?  Life would change, wouldn’t it?  I want to look at five changes that happen in my life when I am aware of God’s love for me.

1.       I Feel Accepted Rather Than Ashamed

Most people avoid God because they feel ashamed, guilty, or judged.  But when we know God’s deep love for us we find that we are accepted by God.  Paul, the first missionary of the church, makes this point when he says:

“By faith we have been made acceptable to God. And now, because of our Lord Jesus Christ, we live at peace with God.”
~Romans 5:1 (CEV)

Knowing you are accepted sets you free from approval addiction.  You don’t always need to be worried about being accepted by others.  This is an area of my own life that I need to sink deeper into God’s love, because being a pastor is sometimes like trying to get approval from two opposite extremes.   When I wrote my ordination papers to become a pastor, one mentor of mine liked one part of my paper but another mentor didn’t.  When I recently asked for feedback on the sermon series from this past year and what we should do in the coming year in an online survey, I got responses all over the map: more Bible.  Less Bible.  More “how to” sermons.  Fewer “how to” sermons.  Let’s tackle the controversial stuff.  Let’s stay away from the controversial stuff.  So someone is not going to be happy this next year!  So what am I, what are we, left with?  We’re left with being accepted by our creator.  If you know you’re unconditionally loved by God, then criticism doesn’t bother you if the Creator of you says you’re OK!

“If God says his chosen ones are acceptable to him, can anyone bring charges against them? Or can anyone condemn them? No indeed!”
~Romans 8:33-34

Here’s a fact: You don’t need other’s approval to be happy!  You only need God’s approval.  And you’ve already got it.  The first way I’m changed by God’s love is that I feel accepted rather than ashamed.

2.       I’m Bold in Bringing My Needs to God

If you’ve got kids, you know this phenomena: kids are super bold at asking for what they want.  My kids are bold (sometimes too bold!) at asking for what they want!  Why are they like this?  Because I am their daddy and they are confident that I love them.

“All who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God! So, you should not be like cowering, fearful slaves. You should behave instead like God’s very own children, adopted into his family—calling him ‘Father, dear Father.’  … And since we are his children, we will share his treasures—for everything God gives to his Son, Christ, is ours, too.”
~Romans 8:14-15,17 (NLT)    

Have you ever been to Mackinac Island?  How bout the Grand Hotel?  If you’ve tried to just walk around the Grand Hotel you know that if you’re not staying there you have to pay $10 a person just to walk around.  That’s actually quite a bargain considering that the cheapest room at the Grand Hotel is about $300 a night.  They go up to $1000 and more a night.  But I’ve had the chance to stay at the Grand Hotel three different times for FREE!  My wife was a speaker at a women’s conference three different years and I got to go and stay with her for free.  It was spectacular.  I boldly walked all around that place like I owned it.  At one point I bumped into the owner: Dan Musser III.  Guess what Dan Musser III’s son’s name is?  You got it: Dan Musser IV.  Guess what Dan Musser IV gets to do in the winter when the Grand Hotel closes down?  He gets to run all over that hotel and go anywhere he wants.  Like he owns it.  Actually, because he’s the son of the owner, he probably will own it someday.  He’s bold because his dad owns it.  Our dad may not own the Grand Hotel, but our heavenly daddy owns the universe.  So when we know we’re loved by God, we are bold in asking for what we need.  We do this in prayer:

“Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
~Hebrews 4:16 NIV

BE BOLD!  Jesus says you can ask God for anything in his name.  It doesn’t mean God will give it to you, but go ahead and be bold in asking.  The second way my life is changed when I understand God’s love for me is I’m bold in bringing my need to God because I know I am a child of God.

3.       I Have Peace in Pain I Don’t Understand

In times of unexplainable hurt, grief, even disaster and calamity I can have what the Bible calls “the peace that passes understanding”:

“The peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
~Philippians 4:7 (NKJV)

What is the “peace that passes understanding”?  It’s when you’re at peace even though there is no reason you should be at peace.  Rick Warren experienced a traumatic event as five-year-old.  While riding in the car one day with his two-year-old sister in the back seat, his dad swerved to miss a car.  The back door of their car flew open and his sister flew out the door and skidded across the pavement.  His dad skidded to a stop and grabbed his sister.  His job was to hold his sister while his dad sped to the hospital.  Once there and his sister was whisked away to be taken care of, his dad left to call his mom.  Rick was alone and was terrified.  But then he heard a voice say inside his head, “It’s OK.  Your dad has got this.”  All of us a sudden he was flooded with peace.  It didn’t make any sense.  It was the peace that passes understanding.  Thankfully Rick’s sister survived and recovered from that accident.

Now we all know that our human fathers can’t do everything, but our heavenly father can!  God has unlimited power and unlimited love.  God has got this one.  That doesn’t mean that God’s love exempts you from pain and dumb decisions.  But we do have this promise:

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
~Romans 8:28 (NIV)

The third way I am changed when I know God’s love for me is that I have a peace in pain I don’t understand.

4.       I Worship Instead of Worry

Worship is expressing my love to God.  In the midst of calling to be loved by God, I respond back to God’s love with my own love.  Our love and worship of God is always a response.  We love God because God takes the initiative:

“We love because God first loved us,
~1 John 4:19 (NIV)

Your problem isn’t that you don’t love God enough. It’s that you’ve forgotten how much God loves you!  Worry is actually a kind of “practical atheism.”  Worry is thinking that God doesn’t exist to care for you.  Jesus teaches us about worry:

“So don’t worry about having enough food or drink or clothing. He will give you all you need from day to day IF you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern. So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.’
~Matthew 6:33-34 NLT

The fourth way my life is changed when I know God’s love is that I worship instead of worry.

5.       I Gain the Courage to Take Risks

When someone believes in you, you can accomplish great things!  Have you ever watched Britain’s Got Talent?  There was this nine-year-old boy name Malaki on the show who got stage fright and couldn’t finish his song.  He had an amazing voice but he broke down crying in the middle of the song.  His mom ran out to him and comforted him and then he was able to continue. It’s a moving picture of a mom’s love for her child:

 

Malaki’s mom’s unconditional love gave him courage to continue on and take the risk to try and then start over again.  The same thing is true of our heavenly mother.  When we know we’re loved by God, we have courage to take risks we wouldn’t if that love was uncertain.

You have no idea how many times God has wanted to wrap his arms around you and comfort you.  To say to you, “I love you.”  For some of you God has been waiting your entire life for this breakthrough moment.  Right now.  This is the beginning of the rest of your life!  You’ve been afraid to surrender your life to God, you’ve been running from God, because you had no idea how much he loves you!  John tells us:

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.”
~1 John 4:18 (NIV)

Stop being afraid.  Take the risk of letting God’s love find you.  Take the risk of becoming a child of God.  So how do I become a son of God, a daughter of God?  Again, John tells us:

“To all who believed him and accepted him, Jesus gave the right to become children of God. (NLT)
~John 1:12 (NLT)

Believe and accept God’s love in and through Jesus and you will be a child of God.  This is your moment.  Let’s talk to God:

Prayer
Dear God, I am amazed at how much you love me. Thank you that your love for me is wide enough to be everywhere I go.  Thank you that your love for me is long enough to last forever. Thank you that your love for me is deep enough to handle all my problems and high enough to overlook my sins because of Jesus.  I want to receive that love.  I believe.  Help my unbelief.  Amen.

This promise is why we’re doing this series about calling.  All four other callings flow out of this one: Being loved by God!  That love is in our memory verse last week:

I am your creator.  You were in my care even before you were born.
~Isaiah 44:2 (CEV)

And when we know that love, we respond with this week’s memory verse:

“Give yourselves completely to God since you have been given new life.”
~Romans 6:13 (NLT)

If you’ve believed and accepted God’s love for you in a new way, would you drop me an email (tomarthur@sycamorecreekchurch.org) so I can pray for you and we can encourage one another.  May you know God’s deep deep love for you.  Amen.

 

* This was a sermon first preached by Rick Warren

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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#struggles #relationships*

January 29, 2015 by Leave a Comment

#struggles

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#struggles #relationships*
Sycamore Creek Church
January 25/26, 2015
Tom Arthur

#peace #friends!

What the heck is a hashtag anyway?  If you follow me on Facebook then you may notice that I often post things my oldest son says that capture my imagination.  I include with those sayings a hashtag: #micahsayings.  That way I group all those posts together with that hashtag.  Or here at SCC we encourage to add the hashtag #sccmi to your posts on social media so people can see all the things that are going on around here.  Hashtags allow a very diverse group of people to have a mostly shallow, but occasionally deep and meaningful conversation about a shared topic.  To get a better sense of what hashtags are all about, I turn to Late Night Hashtags with Jimmy Fallon:

 

 

So we’re entering into this series called #struggles.  We’re trying to learn how to follow Jesus in a selfie-centered world.  Selfies are pictures taken of oneself usually with one’s phone.  I came across this great set of pictures in The Atlantic that get the point across.

So we’re going to spend five weeks exploring the effects of social media and technology on all kinds of aspects of our lives.  Let me be clear up front.  SCC embraces social media.  We like technology.  Tech and social media are our friends.  I personally enjoy  using social media.  I regularly post on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.  But lately Sarah and I have both decided to scale back.  We’ve noticed some negative influences on us and our relationships.  Maybe I should have noticed it some time ago when I was hiking with Micah on my back and taking a video of him singing in the backpack.  When he got done he said, “Daddy, are you going to post this on Facebook?”  Social media can be very good, but if you do too much of it and are consumed with it, it can hurt your relationships and rob you of that which God values most.

So here’s how this series is going to unfold.  Next week we’re going to look at #contentment.  The third week we’ll look at social media’s effect on #authenticity.  Then we’ll explore social media and #compassion.  And wrap it up with maybe the most important topic of all, #rest.  Today we’re beginning with #relationships.

Love One Another
Here’s where I want to begin this message today:

So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.
~Jesus (John 13:34-35 NLT)

Jesus didn’t say, they’ll know you follow me by your perfect theology, you’re always at church, or the fish you put on your car (some of you drive so bad you need to take that fish off your car).  I want you to listen to the message through this lens of Jesus’ teaching to love one another.

How Technology Is Changing Relationships
Technology and social media help relationships.  I told you I embrace them.  But there are some unintentional negative consequences.  Here are three big issues:

1.  The term friend is evolving

“Friend” used to mean “together doing life.”  Now it means “someone you have never met in person but follows you on FB.”  The average Facebook user has 328 friends, but the average American only has two close friends.  That’s down from six close friends two decades ago.  And an amazing 25% have zero close friends.  We have lots of online interaction and fewer to no intimate friends.  We are more connected and more lonely than ever before.

2.  Addicted to immediate affirmation

Take a selfie right now.  Seriously.  Do it right now.  How long before you expect someone to like it.  I just posted a #library #selfie on Facebook.  Let’s see how long it takes to get a like…It’s been over four minutes and I’m beginning to sweat…Five minutes now.  Come on.  Somebody put me out of my misery and like my selfie.  Maybe I don’t look very good in it.  Let me go check to see if someone liked it.  Nope.  Not yet…Six minutes…Nine minutes and still no likes…L…I give up.

When we get the “like” our brains release a chemical called dopamine.  Dopamine is the brain’s version of crack.  It makes us feel good.  We get rewarded with dopamine and we want to do it again.  Our phones and computers have become Skinner Boxes.  Don’t know what a Skinner Box is?  Check this out:

 

Yep, you’re a rat getting trained to press a lever, or in this case, push a button.  We end up meeting a short-term need but deferring a long-term deeper need.  Sociologists call this “deferred loneliness.”  We are deferring a longing for intimacy into the future.  We are living for likes while longing for love.

3.  We have the power to do friendship on our own terms.

I can read a text, respond to it, not respond, or respond later.  Is the picture on instagram worthy of my “like”?  I see that friend who posted another cat picture.  One more and I’m unfollowing him.  One person said, “The more I use social media the more I crave social interaction.”  Another said, “I feel more connected than ever before and feel more alone.”  We end up not having the discipline to stop scrolling and clicking.

The author of Hebrews said:

Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.  And let us not neglect [liking one another’s posts] our meeting together, as some people do, but [comment on one another’s posts] encourage one another…
~Hebrews 10:24-25 NLT

What we need to begin doing is to practice the power of presence.  Jesus said:

For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them.
~Matthew 18:20 NLT

We can experience Jesus’ presence alone, but there is something special and powerful together with other believers.  When we pray together, study together, join in small group together.  There’s power in presence.   God didn’t shout his love from heaven, but showed his love on earth.

So let’s make two hashtags for #relationships:

1.     #bepresent

Let’s recite this Mantra: “I will love people face to face, not just thumbs to thumbs”  And if you’re married you can add: “belly button to belly button.”  Paul, the first missionary of the church, said:

Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them…Love each other with genuine affection…When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them…
~Paul (Romans 12:9-10 & 13 NLT)

So let’s pretend someone gets bad news or ends up in the hospital.  How do you show love?  One very acceptable way right now is to text them or send them a message: “Thinking and praying.”  That’s nice.  But let’s take it up a notch.  You know there’s something else you can do with your phone besides text.  You can actually use it to call.  When you call you can actually hear tone of voice and go places in conversation where you wouldn’t imagine going.  Or let’s take it up another notch: visit that person.  Go visit them face to face over a cup of coffee.  Listen.  Put a hand on a shoulder.  Give an appropriate hug.  Pray together.

I experienced the power of presence when I first became a pastor at SCC.  I quickly met Ken and Mary Ziegler.  Ken had M.S. and was in a wheel chair but his faith was evident.  Over my first year or so of being a pastor he was in and out of the hospital quite often, and in my second year his health deteriorated quickly.  Toward the end of his life he was moved to home and given palliative care.  I visited Ken and Mary several times.  I was a new pastor and didn’t really feel very competent visiting with someone who was nearing death, but I was present nonetheless doing what I could.  I don’t really remember doing much at all besides listening and occasionally praying or reading some of Ken and Mary’s favorite scripture, but after Ken died, Mary told me how much it meant to them that I spent time with them during Ken’s last weeks and days on earth.  It wasn’t what I said, it was taking the time to be present.

I have also been the recipient of this kind of presence.  I remember one day when Bill Chu, a fellow pastor and friend of mine, and I were planning on getting together to discuss some strategy about our mission and ministry.  We had some very specific things we wanted to talk about, but something happened that day.  I don’t even remember what it was, but I called Bill in tears.  I told him I wasn’t in any shape to talk about ministry, but that I still wanted to meet, because I just needed someone to talk to.  Again, I don’t even remember what all the emotion was about, but I do remember sitting with Bill and talking.  He was present to me and prayed with me and encouraged me in my time of struggle.

Friends, do life together because life is better together.  In fact, one of the women’s small groups, led by SCC’s founding pastor, Barb Flory, is reading Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s classic book titled Life Together.  Be present together in this or any of the other twenty-three small groups this semester.

2.     #beengaged

So it’s actually not quite enough to just be present.  You also need to be emotionally and completely engaged.  Peter, one of Jesus’ closest followers said:

Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.
~1 Peter 4:8 NLT

Sometimes we miss the fact that the person in the room is the most important person.  Have you ever been at a restaurant and seen a family or a group of friends all sitting around a table, but they’re all looking at their phones?  Maybe that’s even been your  family.  They are alone together.  Moms and dads, your kids are begging for your attention but you’re on Pinterest changing the world by collecting recipes and pictures of dogs.

What if we were in the middle of conversation over coffee you pulled out a book and read two pages?  Then you kept talking a bit.  Then you pulled out your to do list and did something on it.  Then you talked a little bit.  Then you walked off and talked to someone else.  Then came back and talked.  What kind of friendship is that?  Not any kind that I want.  I want my friends to be focused on me when we’re together.

There’s a new fear that is developing in our culture.  It’s called FOMO or the fear of missing out.  Everytime the phone beeps, vibrates, or blinks you think, “What am I missing?”  Here’s what you’re missing: a cat picture, a like on your picture, a comment: “girl you look gorg”, which is not to say that you gorged yourself but that you look gorgeous.  It’s not about how many likes you get but about how you show love.  Parents, don’t let your kids lead you on this.  Lead them.  Here’s what your FOMO should be: fear missing out on your children growing up while you’ve got your nose buried in your tablet checking out your old high school girlfriend.  Husbands, here’s what you’re missing out on: the beautiful wife sitting across from you.  Wives, here’s what you’re missing out on: the amazing and mysterious man sitting on the other side of the table.  You know you’re really missing out when you are both in bed with your cell phone and you text your wife to ask her if she’s in the mood and she responds with #headache.

Rules of Engagement
So let me suggest four simple rules of engagement.  First, turn the notifications off on your phone.  Become a #notificationnazi.  “No notifications for you!”  Second, your phone face down during dinner.  No phones during meals.  Third, turn off your phone during your small group.  Fourth, make this a rule in your house: at 10PM phones are off and charging.  (On a side note: I recently read a very disturbing article in The Atlantic and learned that sexting is extremely prevalent among teens of all kinds and happens mostly late at night.  Most teenagers sleep with their phones.  So one simple solution to sexting: no sleeping with your phones!)

So let’s get back to the theme of love.  John, Jesus’ “beloved” follower wrote this:

Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.
~1 John 3:18 NLT

When I read that, I’m reminded of Meghan Trainor’s song, “Lips are Moving:”

If your lips are moving, if your lips are moving
If your lips are moving, then you’re lyin’, lyin’, lyin’, baby

Too many of us are talking love but not acting love.  We’re talking love on social media.  We’re talking love in our texts.  But we’re not loving.  Our lips are moving but we’re lying.  Don’t just text them, pray for them.  Don’t just pray for them, pray with them.  Don’t just like their post, like them.  Don’t just comment on a post, comment to them.  They’ll know you follow Jesus not because of what you say, but because of how you love.  They’ll know you follow Jesus not because of how many likes you get, but because of how well you love your real friends.  A skeptical world may say, “I’m not sure I believe this whole Jesus thing, but I want what they’ve got.”  And when a skeptical world asks, “Why do you love?” You can say, “I’m on a mission from a God who sent his son on a rescue mission to save this broken messed up world.  That’s why I show you my love.”  God didn’t just shout his love from heaven, he showed it in Jesus.

Prayer
God, you loved us so much that you came to be present with us here on this earth.  Help us follow Jesus by loving those around us by being present and being engaged.  May a skeptical world know you because of the way we love one another.  Amen.

 

* This sermon is based on sermon first preached by Craig Groeschel.

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I Am the Vine

October 14, 2014 by Leave a Comment

IAmJesus

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Am Jesus – I Am The Vine
Sycamore Creek Church
October 12/13, 2014
Tom Arthur

Peace friends!

Have you ever been on a swing when the rope or chain became disconnected from the frame?  I was swinging on a porch swing one time when one chain broke as I was swinging toward the edge of the porch.  I went backwards over the back of the swing, somehow rotated in the air and tucked into the fetal position.  My body went between the porch post and a tree stump.  I came down on my head but rolled out of the fetal position so that I was laying flat on my back on the driveway.  I jumped up as if to say, “Look I’m OK.”  In the split second that this whole thing happened, I learned the dangers of becoming disconnected.

Today we’re talking about being connected and disconnected.  We’re in a series called I Am Jesus.  In the book about Jesus written by one of his closest followers, John, Jesus makes seven different “I am” statements.  He says:

I am the way the truth and the life.
I am the bread of life.
I am the gate/door.
I am the good shepherd.
I am the vine.
I am the resurrection.
I am the light of the world.

Last week we looked at his statement, “I am the good shepherd.”  Today we look at what it means when Jesus says, “I am the vine.”

In the book of John, we find the following statement in chapter fifteen:

Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.
~Jesus (John 15:5 NLT)

It is important to understand the context of this statement.  In chapter thirteen Jesus begins the last supper he will have with his disciples before his crucifixion.  In chapter eighteen Jesus is arrested.  Chapters fourteen to seventeen record Jesus’ dinner conversation.

This is the last conversation Jesus is going to have with his friends.  If you were having a last conversation with family and friends, what would you say?  Jesus decides to talk about grapes.  He begins this chapter saying, “I am the true grapevine” (John 15:1 NLT)

If Jesus is the true vine, then that implies that there are some false vines.  Too often we connect ourselves to all kinds of false vines hoping it will bear fruit in our lives.  If I make more money next year and climb one rung on the ladder, I’ll have fruit.  If I get a certain number of friends on Facebook, then I’ll have fruit.  If I have an appearance of a perfect home (2.5 kids, wife, dog, perfect lawn, etc.), then I will finally have fruit.  But it doesn’t quite work that way.  We have to stay connected to the true vine.  There are at least two reasons why.

1. Staying Connected Produces Fruit
When we stay connected to the true vine, our lives produce fruit.  These fruit are described by Paul, the first missionary of the church, in his letter to the Galatians.  He says:

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control.
~Galatians 5:22-23 NLT

This isn’t the fruit of more money, or a better looking husband.  It’s an internal fruit.  The fruit of virtue in your life.  This kind of fruit requires staying connected.  It rarely happens overnight.  It’s like learning to ride a bike.  To learn to ride the bike you have to  stay connected to the bike.  You can’t expect to learn to ride a bike if you don’t get on it.  And it takes time staying connected to the bike along with some bumps and bruises to learn the fruit of balancing on the bike.  I came across this boy whose perseverance in staying connected to his bike has finally born fruit.  His encouragement to keep practicing can encourage us to stay connected to the true vine.

 

Recently I’ve been struggling with a particular question: I am staying connected to the true vine, but I’m not seeing the fruit in my life.  One particular challenge lately has been with being a parent.  Too often being a parent brings out all the bad stuff in me.  Why is that?  As I’ve pondered why I’m not seeing fruit in my parenting, I realized that while I’m thirty-nine years old, and in general I have thirty-nine years of remaining connected to the true vine, when it comes to parenting, I’m only three years old.  In other words, in most of my life, I’ve got the maturity and fruit of a thirty-nine-year-old. But in parenting, I’ve only got the maturity of a three-year-old!  But if I stay connected to the true vine, the fruit will come.

If you’re staying connected to the true vine by praying for a friend to come to Christ but it’s not happening, stay connected.  If your anger is still explosive.  Stay connected.  If your lust continues.  Stay connected.  If your impulsive spending persists.  Stay connected.  Here is your “Fruit forecast:” 100% probability of fruit.  But we have to remain.  We have to stay connected.  Continue.  Continue.  Continue.

There are some apple trees on the side of the office.  Sarah and I swung by them this past week to see if there were any apples.  But they only bloom every other year.  Stay connected.  There’s a Ceiba (“SAY-ba”) tree on MSU’s campus that blooms “as little as once every 5 years.”  Or there’s the Corpse Flower that gets its name by smelling like rotting flesh.  It bloomed this past year but “the plants rarely bloom, going years, even decades between showings.”

Stay connected.  Stay connected.  Stay connected.

2. Being Disconnected Produces Nothing
A second reason we need to stay connected to the true vine is because being disconnected produces nothing.  Jesus says:

Anyone who does not remain in me is thrown away like a useless branch and withers. Such branches are gathered into a pile to be burned.
~Jesus (John 15:6 NLT)

Sometimes being disconnected is deceptive.  Sometimes it looks like fruit is still being produced.  After one of the big storms we had this past spring, I went on a walk in my neighborhood and came across a tree that had lost several branches.  The branches were lying on the ground, and I was surprised to find that the branches had blossoms on them.  But this was only because there was a limited amount of life left in the disconnected branch.  The next week I walked by this same tree and those branches has been picked up and carted away.

Have you ever plugged your cell phone in before you went to bed only to wake up the next morning and realize that the cord was not plugged into the wall?  Yes, there is some battery left, but not enough to get you through the day.

It’s important to guard against becoming judgmental at this point.  If we become judgmental we can easily end up right in the middle of the very thing we’re judging.   I say to myself, “I’ll never have an affair” but then I do.  Or I say, “My kids are never going to act like that” and then they do.  Or “I’m never going to put my job before my family,” but you do.  Anybody is capable of anything when you’re disconnected from the vine.

So if it’s important to stay connected to the true vine because it produces fruit and because being disconnected produces nothing, how do we stay connected?  Here are two ways.

1. Do What Jesus Says
To learn what Jesus says, it seems like a good place to start is with what Jesus actually says.  So Jesus says:

When you obey my commandments, you remain in my love, just as I obey my Father’s commandments and remain in his love.
~Jesus (John 15:10 NLT)

One of my first jobs when I got married was at a fancy Italian restaurant in Petoskey.  The owner, Alex, described himself as not always fun but fair.  He had a very accurate self understanding.  One day he took about ten minutes to show me how he wanted the cheese for the pizzas to be made.  There was a specific ratio of Mozzarella to Muenster that he wanted.  He had a particular way he wanted it run through the grinder.  And then there were more instructions for how to handle it once it was all properly mixed.  After Alex took the time to show me this, I did it his way for about five minutes.  Then I decided I knew better and began doing it my way.  A couple of minutes later he came by and saw that I was not doing it the way he had taken time to show me, and I got a stern lecture about it all.  I was hurt in the moment (no one likes to be corrected), but after thinking about it for a while I realized that even if my way was better, he’s the one who owns the restaurant and he’s the one who’s paying me, and he’s the boss, so I should do it the way he wants.  It was really quite simple.  He was hiring me to do things the way he wanted them done.  And that’s how I should do it.

Let’s admit it.  Christians can be a bunch of loop-hole fanatics.  We find every possible reason not to actually do what Jesus says.  Francis Chan has this provocative insight on not doing what Jesus says:

Go clean your room!  As Chan says, “We have too many believers and not enough disciples.”

So where do you need to quit talking and praying about it and to finally do it?  Someone tells you to lead a small group.  Clean your room!  You need to spend more time with your kids.  Clean your room!  Be more selfless and get outside yourself.  Clean your room!  Serve in the church.  Clean your room!  Serve in the community. Clean your room!  Set time aside to pray.  Clean your room!  Read your Bible.  Clean your room!

Make extra payments on your debt.  Clean your room!  Stay connected to the true vine by doing what Jesus says.

2. Love Like Jesus Loves
The second way to stay connected to the true vine is to love like Jesus loves.  Jesus says:

This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you.
~Jesus (John 15:12 NLT)

Loving each other can be a kind of subjective call.  You might think its one thing while someone else thinks it’s something else.  But Jesus makes sure we can’t wiggle out of this.  He puts some definition on this love.  “Love as I have loved you,” he says.  He steps it up a notch.  Just before this dinner conversation and last supper together, Jesus shows them what this love looks like by serving them.  He washes their feet, the job of a slave or servant.  He explains what this love looks like in himself: “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13 NLT).  Jesus raises the standard way high!

A year or so ago I was reading a book called Sacred Parenting.  It was about how parenting itself is a spiritual discipline.  It is a great book, and I highly recommend it to others.  I was sitting quietly in the morning reading the chapter about sacrifice.  The sacrifices a parent makes for their child can be a way that we enter into God’s presence and know something of the sacrifices that God makes for his children.  As I was enjoying reading this chapter and thinking about how sacrifices for my children could draw me closer to God, Micah woke up about thirty minutes early and began crying.  I remember thinking, “Sarah will get him.”  Then the iron struck.  I would rather read about sacrifices in parenting than actually sacrifice in parenting!  Henri Nouwen says, “It seems easier to be God than to love God, easier to control people than to love people.”

This loving like Jesus loved is hard stuff.  It’s really hard stuff.  That’s why we’ve got to stay connected.  We can’t do it alone, and it pushes us back to the vine.

Are you staying connected?  Have you become disconnected?  What fruit is your life producing?  What fruit is it missing?  If you desire to stay connected to the true vine, Jesus Christ, then join me in this prayer:

Jesus, you are the true vine.  I want my life to produce fruit, but I confess that too often I try to do that while being disconnected from you.  Help me to do what you say and love like you love so that I might stay connected to you and produce your fruit in my life.  In the power of your Spirit.  Amen.

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Christmas Eve

December 29, 2012 by Leave a Comment

carols

 

 

 

 

Carols Remix
Sycamore Creek Church
Christmas Eve, 2012
Tom Arthur

Merry Christmas Eve Friends!

Tonight we’re going to walk through four different classic Christmas carols and unpack them and explore them to help you hear them and the Christmas story in a way you’ve never heard before.  We begin with the carol, O Holy Night.

O Holy Night
There’s a beautiful couple of lines in this carol:

The thrill of hope,
The weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks,
The new and glorious morn.

Here’s the problem about Christmas.  You’re supposed to be celebrating and cheerful, but really you’re just weary and tired.  We are a weary world.  Several weeks ago I invited those in our worship service to write on paper snowflakes what is causing them weariness.  I looked over the snowflakes later and read about hurt families, no money, no friends, no job.

We’re a weary people, but you’re not alone.  The Bible tells many stories of people seeking God amidst great weariness.  One such book in the Bible is the book of Lamentations.  Tradition says that the prophet Jeremiah wrote it after the fall of Jerusalem to the Babylonian empire.  Jeremiah and many others were carted off in exile to Babylon.  He writes:

The thought of my affliction and my homelessness is wormwood and gall!  My soul continually thinks of it and is bowed down within me.  But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases,his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:19-23 NRSV

Christmas is a new morning.  It is a new beginning in the midst of the weariness that you feel.  When you give your entire life to Jesus in adoration, you experience that new morning and it brings with it three things:

1. Exactly what you need.
2. The hope to keep going.
3. The help you’re waiting for.

This is the Holy Night before the new morning of hope in Jesus.  Here’s a moment to contemplate those truths through the song, O Holy Night:

O Come All Ye Faithful
I’m guessing that when we think of the carol, O Come All Ye Faithful, that some of us, maybe even most of us don’t feel very faithful.  In fact, the rest of that line includes the joyful, and triumphant and I know that many of us don’t feel very joyful or triumphant right now.  Here’s the good news.  Jesus doesn’t call the faithful, joyful, and triumphant.  So who does Jesus call?

First, Jesus calls the sinners.

On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick…For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”
Matthew 9:12-13 NIV

Second, Jesus calls the weary and burdened.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Matthew 11:28 NIV

So maybe we should rework the carol to sing: O come all ye sinners, weak and overburdened!  If that’s who Jesus calls to follow him, why do we feel like we have to have our lives all together to belong to a church?  If you’re a guest here tonight at Christmas Eve, I want you to know that we try to be a curious, creative, and compassionate community.  We’re curious about God – your questions are welcome.  You don’t have to have all this God stuff figured out to belong here.  We’re creative in all we do – we imagine, experiment, and make things happen.  That means that we’re not going to get everything right all the time.  And we’re compassionate to everyone – no matter who you are, where you’ve been, or what you’ve done, when you come here you’ll experience God’s compassion.   You don’t have to have your life all together to belong here, because Jesus doesn’t call the have-it-all-togethers to follow him.

And yet Jesus does help us become more faithful, joyful, & triumphant.

Jesus is the author and perfector of our faith.   His Spirit gives us joy which is different than happiness.  Happiness has to do with what happens while joy has to do with Jesus.  And the prophet Isaiah tells us that Jesus will triumph:

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the greatness of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David’s throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever.
Isaiah 9:6-7 NIV

Wonderful Counselor.
Mighty God.
Everlasting Father.
Prince of Peace.

That’s not the kind of triumph like a great general on the battle field, but it’s the kind of triumph that reconciles broken relationships, binds up wounded hearts, convicts of sinful attitudes, and gives strength to love one’s enemies.  Jesus calls the sick and sinful, the weary and overburdened, that is all of us, and helps us become faithful, joyful and triumphant.  Contemplate those truths through the song: O Come All Ye Faithful.

Away in a Manger
Away in a manger,
No crib for his bed,
The little Lord Jesus,
Lay down his sweet head.

I want to zero in on that phrase: little Lord Jesus.  What does it mean to say that Jesus is Lord?  When the shepherds were visited by angels this is what the angels said:

Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord.
Luke 2:10-11 NIV

Lord means controller, supreme authority. Is the little Lord Jesus Lord of a little of your life or all of your life?  We say “little”, and I think at times that means to us that he is Lord of only a little of our lives.  You can surrender partially or fully.  Here’s what the partially surrendered life looks like from a verse in the partially surrendered Bible:

Trust in the Lord with some of your heart, lean on your own understanding, in some of your ways, acknowledge him, and you can make your own paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6 PSV (Partially Surrendered Version)

But that’s not what it means to call him Lord.  Lord means he’s Lord’s of all of your life.  Here’s what the fully surrendered life looks like:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;  in all your ways acknowledge [yada] him, and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV

When we say that Jesus is “little” it means that he does not coerce you into receiving him as Lord.  He gives you the wonderful and terrible freedom to choose to receive his love and his lordship or to reject it.  Actually, he already is Lord of everything.  This is just a matter of you acknowledging it and living into it and then beginning to live like you mean it.  So, is the little Lord Jesus Lord of a little of your life or all of your life?  Contemplate that question through the song, Away in a Manger.

Emmanuel
O come, o come, Emmanuel.

An angel of the Lord appears to Joseph in a dream and says to him about Mary, his fiancée:

She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.” All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: “The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Emmanuel”—which means, “God with us.”  Matthew 1:21-23

Emmanuel means God with us.  Here’s the point of Christmas: God is, was, and will be with you!

Have you ever prayed, “God be with so and so.”  The truth is that God is already with so and so.  The trick is realizing it.  God is with you.  If you are alone, God is with you as your companion.  If you are sick, God is with you healing you.  If you are lost, God is with you as your guide.  If you are hurt, God is with you as your hope.  If you are weak, God is with you as your strength.  If you are sinning, well, God is with you as your conviction and as your savior.

Which brings us to an interesting point.  Sometimes God being with us means that God convicts us.  Sometimes the comfort comes only after the surgery.  As our doctor said to us while Sarah was giving birth, “I love you, and I have to hurt you.”  And yet in each of these ways God is with you right now.

God was with you.  Sometimes it is only clear how God was with you in hindsight.  In the midst of the struggle it sometimes feels like God has abandoned you.  You don’t get those tingles any more.  You don’t get those warm feelings.  Sometimes we get attached even addicted to the feeling of God’s love and God removes that feeling so we’re not loving the feeling of loving God but actually loving God.  All this become clear only in hindsight.

God will be with you.  What did Mary have yet to go through?  Conception – God will be with her.  Joseph’s acceptance – God will be with her.  Her son getting lost in the temple – God will be with her.  Her son leaving a perfectly good family carpentry business and going off to become a wandering homeless preacher – God will be with her.  Her son’s unjust trial and execution  – God will be with her.  Day 1 in the grave – God will be with her.  Day 2 in the grave – God will be with her.  Day 3 resurrection – God will be with her.

What is in store for you this year?  Graduation?  Marriage?  A child?  Divorce?  A new job?  A lost job?  Death of a loved one?  God will be with you.  Can any of these things separate you from God’s love?  No!

“I am the Alpha and the Omega,” says the Lord God, “who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty.”
Revelation 1:8

So God is, was, and will be with you.  There’s no question about that.  The question is: are you with God?  Here’s what it means to be with God.  It’s like a wedding ring.  I hunted around our families and found several rings that Sarah and I then used to create her engagement ring and our wedding bands.  Even though those rings were of great cost to someone else, they didn’t cost us anything.  And yet when we received them, they cost us everything, our entire lives.  That’s what it means to be with God.  So are you with God?

Contemplate that question through the song, Emmanuel.

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Creative

September 18, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Church on the Move

Church on the MOVE – Creative
Sycamore Creek Church
September 16, 2012
Guest Preacher:  Mark Aupperlee
John 1:14-18 , John 3:16-18  

Good morning!  My name is Mark, and I’m a volunteer here at Sycamore Creek Church.  I started attending at Sycamore Creek a little over six years ago, and pretty quickly I got involved with volunteering here by helping with set up in the morning.  Actually, I’m still on a set up crew.  Join me on the first Sunday of each month.  It only takes about 45 minutes.  After a while, I also got involved in a small group.  Then I became a member of our church.  Then I started leading a small group.  Then I became a leader of all the small groups and joined the leadership of the church.  Then I started giving messages on Sunday mornings!  Phew.  It’s been quite a journey.  I would love to tell you that all those things have been easy, but it hasn’t been easy and it’s still not easy.  It’s at times very hard. This summer, in the midst of a time when things were difficult, I asked myself, “Why?  Why am I doing this?  It’s hard!!”

In that moment of crisis I realized with incredible clarity that the reason I participate, volunteer, and lead in our church has to do with the type of Jesus-following community we’re trying to be.  The type of culture we’re working to create.  I’ve encountered, experienced, and grown in my relationship with God in incredible ways through Sycamore Creek Church . . . and I want to be a part of offering that to others.  I want other people to be blessed through this church, through the community we’ve created, the way I have.  I am firmly committed to the church that we are, and the church we can be: Curious, Creative, Compassionate.  I am committed to the difficult work of continuing to be part of a creative community.

I define creativity as three things: “to imagine, experiment and make things happen.”

Living this out is difficult.  Trying new things and being willing to hold loosely to the way things are is work.  We tend to want the familiar, the same, the comfortable.  You’ll notice comfortable isn’t one of the three words we think characterizes our church.  As people, we will drift toward “the way we do things” because it’s the “way we’ve always done it,” and we’ll drift toward routine and ritual.  Those things are comfortable.  Trying new things, being creative isn’t.  And in the midst of being creative, that experimenting part of creativity, some of our new things won’t work.  Being creative is a willingness to fail.  As a church, we believe we are “creative in all we do.”  We imagine, we experiment, and we make things happen.  This morning I’ll explore the basis for that and how we’re doing it.

When I was in high school I was not very creative, especially when it came to girls.  I was an awkward high schooler with no idea what I was doing with girls.  I didn’t know how to be creative.  I had imagination!  I did make some attempts to try different approaches, to experiment to “make things happen,” but it never worked out too well.  My senior year I met and started hanging out with this wonderful girl.  Her name was Jana.  I really liked Jana, but I had no idea what to do about it.  Well, then one night at a basketball game we got asked by a friend if we were dating.  Oh boy.  Here was a chance for creative thinking.  I could work this to my advantage!  Or not.  Being the wimp I was, I asked Jana afterward, “What did you think of what our friend asked about us dating?” (That was a relationship punt!) Well, thankfully Jana had more creativity than I did and more guts.  She fielded my punt and creatively gave the ball back to me.  She experimented and said, “I’m interested if you’re interested.”  On the outside, I was calm and cool in the face of that phrase and I responded, “I’m interested. Let’s date!”  On the inside I was doing a celebratory dance! (I won’t subject you to my bad dancing . . . picture good dancing in your mind.)  “I’m interested if you’re interested.” I can’t tell you how much I love that phrase!!  Jana essentially said to me, “I’m interested, are you?”  She made the first move and I just had to respond.

That story connects with me because it’s the beginning of an important relationship for me.  It’s part of the love story in my life.  My guess is that in some way it plucks at each one of you. It may make you smile.  It may bring up memories for you.  It may bring up longings.  That’s because within each of us is a desire for love.  It’s a desire that leads us into romantic relationships.  It’s a desire that draws together families.  It’s a desire that drives friendships.  And it’s a wonderful desire.  But it’s one that keeps us hunting.  We never quite get enough from those relationships.  Those relationships always are messy.  There is always this feeling that there must be something more.

That’s because there is.

The Bible tells us that in the beginning we were created to be in a relationship with God.  And in the beginning we were in that relationship.  Then Adam and Eve, the first humans, made a move away from God in disobedience and distrust and the relationship was broken.  It’s a decision that was made then and echoes still today as we make that choice ourselves.  Throughout the first part of the Bible, the Old Testament, God reaches out to people.  He cultivates a relationship with a person, Abraham, that develops into a people, Israel.  And those people continually disappoint him.  God works through judges, kings, and prophets, continually trying to woo people back to him.  The problem is, none of it really works.  There continues to be this broken relationship with God that leaves people without true life.  There continues to be something missing.

Then in the New Testament God completely changes everything.  Let’s read about it in John 1.

Two quick things before we talk more about this Scripture.  First, a quick clarification about some of the language.  John loves this “word.”  Word!  What or who is Word? . . .  Jesus!  John also loves his “light.”  What or who is light?  . . . Jesus!

Second, a lot of you may have read or heard this scripture before.  Don’t shut down on me and presume you know what I’m going to talk about.  Allow yourself to have fresh ears and a fresh mind.

The Word was first,
the Word present to God,
God present to the Word.
The Word was God,
in readiness for God from day one.  Everything was created through him;
nothing—not one thing!—
came into being without him.
What came into existence was Life,
and the Life was Light to live by.
The Life-Light blazed out of the darkness;
the darkness couldn’t put it out.

There once was a man, his name John, sent by God to point out the way to the Life-Light. He came to show everyone where to look, who to believe in. John was not himself the Light; he was there to show the way to the Light.

The Word became flesh and blood,
and moved into the neighborhood.
We saw the glory with our own eyes,
the one-of-a-kind glory,
like Father, like Son,
Generous inside and out,
true from start to finish.

John pointed him out and called, “This is the One! The One I told you was coming after me but in fact was ahead of me. He has always been ahead of me, has always had the first word.”

We all live off his generous bounty,
gift after gift after gift.
We got the basics from Moses,
and then this exuberant giving and receiving,
This endless knowing and understanding—
all this came through Jesus, the Messiah.
No one has ever seen God,
not so much as a glimpse.
This one-of-a-kind God-Expression,
who exists at the very heart of the Father,
has made him plain as day.
John 1:18, 14-18 (The Message) 

There are two things we learn about creativity from this story.  First, that creativity is rooted in the past, the familiar.  John starts his book the same way Genesis starts, “In the beginning.”  He uses the roots of the past, imagery that the people of his day would have been very familiar with.  They’ve heard about God as creator.  They know the story of God’s relationship with people.  John weaves in these familiar elements of creator and the relationship with God and goes on to talk about Moses and the law.  John draws on the familiar, the known, to bring out a radical new truth.

We live in an often rootless culture, in that everything is about right now.  We don’t always appreciate the past and the roots it can provide.  If you wanted to tell someone what it means to be an American, what would you do?  You can start with what’s currently happening, but at some point you’d need to build upon our past.  You’d at least go back to tell about how we got our independence.  You’d tell about how we were formed as a nation and about the threats our nation has faced, the wars we’ve fought, the disagreements and injustices we’ve endured, and then you’d build to the present and the future.  In order to talk about the new truth of what it means to be an American, you need to acknowledge our roots, our past.  John taps into this to start his book.  He uses the familiar, the roots of who the people are and the past they know, to introduce a radical new truth.

The second thing from John 1 is that we are introduced to a radical new truth.  What’s that radical new truth?  That God became one of us!!  As verse 14 says, he moved into the neighborhood!!  Wow!  This is like no other God, ever.  This should blow our minds!  This is CREATIVE!!  The God who is CREATOR, who created creativity, became one of us.  He brought His love to us.  He didn’t just wait for us to come to Him, but He made the first move on our behalf.  Look at other world religions and there is no other God like this.  This is the only God who became a person and sacrificed and humbled Himself on our behalf.

From our perspective, this seems unimaginable, doesn’t it?  To become a baby!  A tiny, needy  baby!  To live as one of us!  To DIE for us!  To offer us unconditional love and grace!  Sending Jesus to the world is sometimes called the New Testament gamble because it is so creative, so different than any other religion or God, and it seems crazy.  At times this whole concept is so crazy, so mind-blowing that we gloss over it and put it into a neat little box.  It’s so hard to get our heads wrapped around the mystery of it, that we don’t fully appreciate it.

This mystery, this incredible thing of God becoming one of us, why did He do that?  What was the reason?

This is how much God loved the world: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again. Anyone who trusts in him is acquitted; anyone who refuses to trust him has long since been under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of that person’s failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when introduced to him.
John 3:16-18 (The Message) 

God is essentially saying to each of us: “I’m interested, are you?”  He makes the first move on our behalf to make the relationship right, so that we might have whole and lasting life.  We’re living in brokenness and God offers us a way out.

So, there are two things or ideas we get from these passages:

  1. The new always is rooted in the past.
  2. The God of creativity loves us in unimaginable ways.

All too often, this message of God’s love for us doesn’t reach us.  We might get it up here, we might know the words, we might even be able to talk about it, but we don’t KNOW it to be true.

I’ve given you words and some thoughts that engage your mind.  We’ve heard this too many times though.  That second point is often words on a screen, a speaker talking, or words on a page.  We may be able to repeat them and know them, but we don’t really experience those words to be part of our reality.  I have a video that I hope will help us experience what unimaginable love is.  In this video there is a dad who loves his son in unimaginable ways.

Here’s an introduction to what you’re about to watch:

“A son asked his father, ‘Dad, will you take part in a marathon with me?’ The father, despite having a heart condition, said ‘Yes’.  They went on to complete the marathon together. Father and son went on to join other marathons, the father always saying ‘Yes’ to his son’s request of going through the race together.

One day, the son asked his father, ‘Dad, let’s join the Ironman together.’ To which, his father said ‘Yes’ too.

For those who don’t know, the IRONMAN is the toughest triathlon ever. It takes place in Hawaii.  The race encompasses three endurance events of a 2.4 mile ocean swim, followed by a 112 mile bike ride, and ending with a 26.2 mile marathon along the coast of the Big Island.  Father and son went on to complete the race together.”

The son in that video was born with cerebral palsy.  When his dad runs and swims and bikes with him, the son feels normal.  What a gift from that father!  It should remind you of the gift you’ve been given.  The gift of Jesus Christ that allows you to be whole again and to have a restored relationship with God.  Through Jesus Christ God says to us, “I’m interested, are you?”

At SCC we know that love of God and God’s love is the foundation for who we are as a church:  Curious, creative, and compassionate.  We know God’s love and we seek to share it with the world.   We use this word creative because it not only reflects who we are and who we are trying to be, but it also reflects the God whose love we trust in ourselves and share with others.

I’ve been building toward this main point:  At Sycamore Creek Church we are creative in all we do because God was creative first.  Ultimately, God’s creativity, His creation, is about us being in a right relationship with Him.  Creativity reflects our creator.  But honestly, being creative as a church doesn’t matter at all, it’s not even worth doing, if it doesn’t point us as a church and others outside the church toward God.  We can’t separate creativity from the creator.

How are we doing that at SCC?  How are we sharing creatively God’s love?

It’s a two-part process that involves loving God and loving others through staying true to our roots, our past as a church, while undertaking that creative process of imagining, experimenting, and making it happen.

At Sycamore Creek Church we have a mission: To ignite authentic life in Christ.  We not only ignite life in Christ though, we also fan and grow the flame of life in Christ.  We do that through a three-part process: Connecting, Growing, and Serving.  We associate connecting at SCC with our worship services.  They are how most people get connected with our church and with God.  We associate growing and serving with small groups.

Looking at those two areas, worship services and small groups, you can see how we are creative in sharing God’s love.  Those two areas are rooted in who we are as a church, they have stayed true to that mission of igniting authentic life in Christ, but they also have changed.  We have taken some risks and tried some new things with worship services and small groups.  We will continue to do that.  If you want to come back here in 50 years and have everything about the way this church operates the same, you are in the wrong church!  God is unchanging, but our world, God’s creation, changes.  We will creatively change too so that we might be more effective in sharing God’s love with others.

First, small groups.  We have not that long ago made an effort to link our small groups with mission.  We imagined a community where we are outwardly focused, where we are not just sending money out to meet needs, but we are going out ourselves and involved with the community.  This is rooted in our church having a culture of mission and going out to reach new people with God’s love.  Now we are experimenting with how that might work.  Our small groups have committed to a periodic mission that they do throughout the year during their small group time.  We think that when we do this, we creatively share the message from God, “I’m interested, are you?”  Our small groups still provide accountability, encouragement, prayer, and knowledge.  But we’re imagining that we could pair them with another value and passion in our church and we’ve been working to implement that.

Second, worship services.  One way we’re being creative in our worship services is through location.  We have a huge goal in creatively sharing God’s love with others and that is to offer worship services at 7 different places on 7 different days of the week.  That’s huge!  That’s way out there.  We have the imagination for that, but for now, we’ve been experimenting by focusing on adding one new location, Monday nights at Grumpy’s Diner.  We’re making it happen one venue at a time.  This change, this risk, this new thing is both an extension of our roots as a church plant, but it also mirrors our God who creatively came from heaven and went into our neighborhood.  We are taking our worship service outside this building and bringing it to a neighborhood.  It’s both a part of who we are as a church, and it’s also a new direction.  We’ve imagined it, and now we’re experimenting to make it happen.  Through the satellites we are creatively sharing God’s love with the Lansing area!

At SCC we are a church that looks around us and we see that something is missing.  We recognize that need, that thirst for God’s love.  We see it in each other and in the people around us, and we seek to creatively share God’s love.  Jesus, the personification of love said to come to Him and never be thirsty.  We are committed to being creative because God was creative in His love of us.  We practice creativity by staying true to who we are as a church and as followers of Christ, rooted in the past, but with the flexibility and the courage to imagine and to try new things so that more people might encounter and experience and ultimately worship God.  Through our actions, we bring the message of God and His love to people: “I’m interested, are you?”

I guess the final question is: “I’m interested, are you?

 

Questions for Small Groups

Each week we provide discussion questions for small groups that meet regularly to discuss the message for the week.  Want to find a small group to join?  Email Mark Aupperlee – m_aupperlee@hotmail.com.

1.  Describe a time when trying something new worked or didn’t work.
2.  Have you ever creatively shared God’s love with someone?  How did it go?  If you haven’t, why not?
3.  Read John 3:16-18.  What do those verses tell you about God’s love?
4.  How can the small group pray for you to creatively share God’s love?

 

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Those Manipulative People

August 7, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Those People
Those Manipulative People*
Sycamore Creek Church
August 5, 2012
Tom Arthur
Matthew 16:21-23

Peace Friends!

How many of you know someone who would try to control and manipulate you?  Raise your hand.  Now raise both hands.  Just seeing if I’ve still got control over you.

So today we continue in a series called Those People.  You know.  Those people.  The critical neighbor.  The hypocritical boss.  The needy family member.  Well, today we’re looking at those manipulative people in your lives.  Who manipulates you?

A guy dies and goes to heaven.  When he gets there he sees that there are two lines going up to the pearly gates.  The first line has hundreds and thousands of men standing in it.  It is labeled, THOSE CONTROLLED BY THEIR WIVES.  The second line has only one man standing in it.  It is labeled, THOSE NOT CONTROLLED BY THEIR WIVES.  The guy goes up to the one man standing in this line and asks, how did you do it?  How did you do what all these hundreds of thousands of men couldn’t do?  He replied, “I don’t know.  My wife just told me to stand over here and smile.”

Any men here today controlled by your wives?  Don’t raise your hand!  You’re in good company.  One of the greatest manipulation stories of all time is found in the Bible.  It’s the story of Samson and Delilah.  You know the basic storyline: Delilah is a Bond-girl-worthy spy trying to figure out how Samson gets his power so she can betray him to the Philistines.  She tries several times, but he manages to feed her false information.  Then she goes back again.

Judges 16:15-16
Then [Delilah] said to him, “How can you say, ‘I love you,’ when your heart is not with me? You have mocked me three times now and have not told me what makes your strength so great.” Finally, after she had nagged him with her words day after day, and pestered him, he was tired to death.

Yikes!  So Samson tells her that his strength is in his hair.  So Delilah leaks the info to the Philistines, they come in and cut his hair, and take him hostage.

But manipulation doesn’t just happen between men and women.  Men manipulate each other too.  Another great story of manipulation in the Bible is the story of Jacob manipulating Esau out of his birthright (Gen. 25:29-34).  Esau comes in starving after a long day of hunting.  He demands food from Jacob.  Jacob holds him hostage: give me your birthright, and I’ll give you some food.  Esau gives in!  Later on Jacob manipulates his brother and father to steal Esau’s blessing (Genesis 27).

When we are manipulated by others, we end up surrendering the direction of our life to them.

Earlier this week I sat down with Nancy McMall, a counselor who attends our church from time to time.  She helped me unpack manipulation.  For Nancy, a good working definition of manipulation is getting someone to do what you want without telling them.  This often happens around needs (things required for survival) and wants (an enhancement of survival).  We use certain power plays, especially in our marriage relationships to manipulate those around us.  A power play is the leveraging of a tool to get what we want.  There are five tools most often used in power plays in family relationships:

  1. $
  2. Sex
  3. Family
  4. Time
  5. Peace

We use these five tools to get what we want out of those around us.

Nancysees manipulation as a fundamental orientation toward fear rather than love.  We’re afraid that if we’re up front about what we need or want, that we won’t get it or that the world will be stacked against us receiving that want or need.  So we keep silent and leverage our power play tools to get it.  We operate out of fear.  Love is fundamentally different.  An orientation of love assumes that those around us want to hear and know what we need and want and are willing to negotiate how to live into those needs and wants in relation to their own needs and wants.

I found the conversation withNancyhelpful in further understanding what exactly manipulation is.  Having a better understanding of what manipulation is and what we do to manipulate others, here are three prayers for breaking the power of manipulation.

  1. God, help me to recognize when someone is trying to manipulate me.

Sometimes we’ve been in dysfunction for so long that we don’t even recognize manipulation.  It has just become par for the course.  When you live in a culture long enough, you begin to become blind to the eccentric features of the culture.  It’s like driving your old car.  You’ve got to push the steering wheel just the right way to get the key to turn.  The lights on the dashboard work intermittently but you don’t notice.  The passenger side back window doesn’t go down but who really needs it to anyway?  Then you lend your car to a friend and they don’t even know how it works.  Manipulations in relationships can become the same way.  Everyone else notices it except you.

Jesus runs into a situation in his life where one of his followers, Peter, tries to manipulate him.  Jesus opens up to them and is vulnerable.  He tells them what is about to happen to him, what God’s plan for him is.  Peter won’t have any of it.  He has other plans.

Matthew 16:21-22 NRSV
From that time on, Jesus began to show his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and undergo great suffering at the hands of the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and on the third day be raised. And Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him, saying, “God forbid it, Lord! This must never happen to you.”

Notice that Peter took Jesus aside.  Manipulators lose their power in groups.  It’s harder to manipulate a whole bunch of people than it is to manipulate just one.  Then he “rebukes” Jesus!  He REBUKES JESUS!  Whew.  That’s kinda crazy, but Peter wanted his plan for Jesus’ life.  His intentions were good, but he was motivated by fear, not love.

How do you recognize manipulation?  I’d suggest you feel guilty and find it hard to say no.  Your desire to please is born out of guilt or fear rather than love.  You compromise your values to please others.  You feel pressured into having sex.  You’re pressured to participate in some form of entertainment (go to a movie or club) that you really don’t want to go to.  You end up not being who God has called you to be or you end up doing what you know God doesn’t want you to do.  God help me to recognize when someone is trying to manipulate me.

So what do you do when you recognize you’re being manipulated?  Here’s a second prayer for today: 

2.      God, empower me to put healthy boundaries in place.

 When we keep reading the story Jesus takes Peter to the mat:

Matthew 16:23
Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men.”

Next time your mom or grandma tries to manipulate you, try calling them “Satan” and telling them to get behind you!  Ok, that’s a joke.  What Jesus says to Peter isn’t a command for us to say to others.  It’s rather a recognition that what Peter wants isn’t what God wants.  So Jesus puts a pretty significant boundary up between what Peter wants and what God wants.

Boundaries are tricky things.  They can themselves be a form of manipulation, especially if they are unspoken and arbitrary.  A healthy boundary begins with open communication about expectations and clear consequences for the breaking of those expectations.  Ideally the expectations and boundary is clearly discussed and agreed upon by all involved.  Although sometimes when it comes down to it, you have to set consequences whether the other person involved agrees or not.  Let me give you two examples.

I was reading a book about parenting lately that Jana Aupperlee recommended to me: 1 2 3 Magic.  It’s about raising children between the ages of 2-12.  The author tells the story of seeing a mom come into a grocery store with her son.  The son sees some candy he wants and asks for it.  She says no, and he begins to cry.  He cries and cries throughout the entire grocery store.  The author is quite impressed with this parent’s ability to set a clear boundary and stick to it even though it’s producing a public display that she’d  probably rather not have.  But as the mom is checking out at the register and the kid is still crying, she reaches down, picks up the candy, pays for it, and gives it to her son.  What did she just do?  She just reinforced crying all the way through the store.  The kid has learned how to manipulate his mom.  She needs to put a clearly communicated boundary before her child: when I say no to candy, it means no even if you cry all the way through the store.

Or consider the question of manipulation by a mother or father-in-law.  It is best to openly communicate and negotiate what you want out of the relationship, but in the end, when a child gets married they leave their parents and cleave to their spouse (Genesis 2:24) and the new family created in that leaving and cleaving sets their own expectations whether the in-laws agree with them or not.  Hear me out in-laws.  I’m not saying not to  communicate about what you want or what your expectations are, but in the end, the decision belongs to your adult married child’s family. 

If you let someone manipulate you, you are ultimately committing the sin of idolatry.  You are letting someone else be in the place that only God should be.  You are letting someone else direct your life rather than God.

This doesn’t always have to be about good and bad or right and wrong.  Sometimes expectations are simply value neutral even though they are not shared.  At SCC we like to talk about the Role Renegotiation Model.  Basically, every relationship starts out by gathering information and making a commitment.  This commitment goes along smoothly and productively until an expectation is broken.  A small broken expectation is called a pinch.  A big one is called a crunch.  A pinch might be that you’d like your roommate to clean the dishes immediately after using them, but they prefer to let them pile up over time and do them in one big push.  There is no command of God that one way is better than the other (I’m afraid your grandma was wrong, “cleanliness is next to Godliness” is not in the Bible).  A crunch on the other hand might be an accumulation of pinches or your roommate lying to you about paying half the rent at the end of the week and using the money instead to buy a new pair of shoes.  In each instance, the best course of action is to go back to the beginning and gather new information by renegotiating expectations.  Ideally a relationship would have this kind of conversation on a regular basis whether there was an obvious pinch or crunch to be discussed.  In the midst of the renegotiation of expectations you can decided to recommit to one another or decide that it’s time to move on and find a new roommate (of course the commitment of marriage is more permanent than that of a roommate).  In this way you’re setting healthy well communicated boundaries.

God, empower me to put healthy boundaries in place.  That’s the second prayer.  Here’s the third:

3. God, help me see my own need to control & surrender everything to you.

I’ve got some bad news for you this morning.  When it comes to manipulation, we’re all those people.  We all try to control others around us.  We all try to get what we want without saying it.  We all use power plays to get our needs and wants met.  By our acts of manipulation, we say to those around us, God loves you, and I have a wonderful plan for your life.

There are two reasons we manipulate others.  First, we fear surrendering control to others.  Everyone wants to be in control of their lives.  But control is an illusion.  The only one really in control is God.  Second, I think I make a better god than God.  Whoa!  Now we’re back to idolatry, but in this case, the idol we’re setting up is ourselves!  Do you know what the difference between God and you is?  God doesn’t think he’s you.

Friends, today surrender your family, relationships, children, schedule, and future to God.  Let God be God.  Submit to God’s plan and control rather than your own.  Submission is the freedom to not always have to get your own way.  It’s hard to imagine, but this truly is a freedom.

Surrendering those around you to God doesn’t mean you don’t lead.  Leading is different than controlling.  Leading is example.  Leading is communicating.  Leading is love not fear.  If you’re shouting orders at your kids from your lazy boy, you’re not leading, you’re controlling.  Leading starts with trusting in God.  The prophet Isaiah puts it perfectly:

Isaiah 26:3-4 NLT
You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal Rock.

I’d like pray for those who are being manipulated, and for those who are manipulating.  Will you pray with me?

Loving God, we live out of fear too often rather than love.  We seek to play god in other  people’s lives, or we let others play god in our lives.  Forgive us.  Help us to surrender our lives to you rather than others.  Help us to follow your will of love rather than the world’s culture of fear.  Let us follow in the way of Jesus who loved even in the face of death.  In the name of Jesus and in the power of your Holy Spirit, amen.

Questions for Small Groups

Each week we provide discussion questions for small groups that meet regularly to discuss the message for the week.  Want to find a small group to join?  Email Mark Aupperlee – m_aupperlee@hotmail.com.

  1. When have you experienced someone manipulating you?
  2. Where do you currently struggle to put healthy boundaries in place?
  3. Where are you tempted to manipulate others?
  4. How can your small group pray for you when it comes to manipulation?

*This sermon is an adaptation of a sermon originally by Craig Groeschel.

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Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage by John & Julie Gottman

April 19, 2012 by Leave a Comment

10 Lessons to Transform Your MarraigeTen Lessons to Transform Your Marriage
By John & Julie Gottman
Rating: 8 of 10

I first heard about the Gottmans while listening to Malcolm Gladwell’s book Blink.  Gladwell described them as relationship experts who after briefly listening to a couple argue could predict whether they would be together or not in seven years with 90% accuracy!  That got my attention.  It turns out that there are four “horsemen” that the Gottmans look for: criticism, stonewalling, defensiveness, and contempt.  If one of these behaviors shows up in an argument (especially contempt), your relationship is unlikely to have a happy future.

Ten Lessons is the Gottman’s positive take on their negative research: what can couples do to enhance their relationship and dismount the four horsemen?  What makes this book so engaging is that the ten lessons are ten different scenarios that regularly come up in many relationships and are explored through verbatim conversations with real-life couples.  These ten lessons range from addiction to work and healing form an affair to lack of passion and nagging.  Anyone deal with those issues in their marriage?

In each chapter the Gottmans introduce you to a new couple and their argument.  The verbatims are like sitting in on a real-life counseling session.  You hear how the couples discuss and argue.  Then the Gottmans do some teaching and training on how to have the conversation in a different way with tips like, “How to complain without criticizing,” and then the couples give the conflict another go around.  It is fascinating to see how a conflict that had deep ruts built over years and years of arguing can actually change course.

I liked this book and the Gottman’s take on marriage so much that Sarah and I have decided to use their home-retreat package for a personal home workshop on our fifteenth anniversary.  The box, which arrived in the mail last week, comes with DVDs, two workbooks, and several cards for exercises.  We’ve scheduled a two-day two-night getaway at an historic inn that also has a DVD player and comfy chairs in the room.  Given that Sarah and I have made it to fifteen years, I don’t think we’re in any danger of failing the Gottman’s seven-year prediction test, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t still have things to learn about loving one another better.  If Ten Lessons is any indication of what we’re in for, then our commitment, connection, and love for one another will learn even more lessons over this marriage getaway.

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RPMs – Relational Wellbeing

February 14, 2012 by Leave a Comment

RPMsRPMs – Relational Wellbeing
Sycamore Creek Church
February 12, 2012
Tom Arthur
Luke 6:27-36
 

Peace Friends!

You may not know much about cars, but I suspect most of us know what RPMs stands for: Revolutions Per Minute.  If you run the engine too high, you’ll red line it.  Have you ever floored your car and had the RPMs gauge get up into that red area?  That’s redlining.  If the engine is running too low, then you deadline it.  My first car was a ‘79 Plymouth Horizon.  When I would sit at a stop, the engine ran too low so I had to keep one foot on the brake and one on the accelerator so it didn’t stall, and when I would floor the accelerator, the car would stall, then take off.  That’s deadlining.  If the engine is running within a good range it’s called baseline.  My current car idles somewhere around the “2” on the RPM gauge and usually doesn’t get much higher than a “4” when I’m out and about.  There’s a healthy range of RPMs for the engine to run.

The same thing is true about our relational, physical, mental, and spiritual wellbeing, our RPMs.  This series we’re beginning is about finding that healthy range of well-being in all areas of living.  We’re starting today with relationships.

When it comes to relationships some of us are deadlining it.  Our relationships are cold and dead.  They’re like my grandma’s car.  She drove it so rarely that it just sat there and deteriorated faster than if she was driving it regularly.  It broke down just sitting in the garage. Her mechanic told her she had to drive it at least several times a week.  So that’s what she did.  She’d go out for no reason just to keep her car healthy.  Some of us need to pay more attention to driving our relationships.

Others of us are redlining our relationships.  Our expectations are so high that no healthy relationship or long-term commitment could ever meet those expectations.  Consider romantic relationships.  That redline period of a relationship is usually called the honeymoon stage.  It includes loots of oogling, and cuddling, and saying silly lovey dovey things to one another.  On average, high romantic feelings in a relationship last two years.  This is actually a good thing, because if it were any other way, we would never get anything done.  When we’re redlining a relationship, it takes all our time and energy.  C.S. Lewis says about relationships, “It is much better fun to learn to swim than to go on endlessly (and hopelessly) trying to get back the feeling you had when you first went paddling as a small boy” (Mere Christianity).  Some of us are always wanting to get back to that initial romantic “falling in love” feeling we had in the first two years of our relationship.  It is unlikely to happen, although research has shown that those with the expectation for passion in their relationship will have more passion (more on that later), but too much of a good thing is not a good thing.

Then there’s the baseline when it comes to relationships.  There is a healthy range of feelings and actions within a healthy relationship.  It is normal to have seasons of moderate ups and downs.  There are times in a marriage when it’s good to have drag racing sex (it’s all over in ten seconds), and there are times when it is good to have Indy 500 sex (in it for the long haul, pit stops and everything!).

Living in the Healthy RPMs range – Serve One Another

Here’s the basic idea for what it means to live within a healthy range of emotions and actions within a relationship: “Do for others as you would like them to do for you” (Luke 6:31 NLT).  Serve one another and you will have healthy relationships.

It’s tempting to think that relationships are a 50/50 commitment.  But at their best, they’re not.  At their best, relationships are a 100/100 commitment.  You bring everything to the table, and I bring everything to the table.  My marriage works the best when both Sarah and I have an attitude of serving one another 100% of the time.  This doesn’t mean that we end up serving one another 100% of the time, but we’re willing to do so if need be.  Sarah and I do to each other as we would want each other to do to us.  Example: recently I’ve decided that if Sarah is working to take care of Micah, then I don’t rest until she does.  I keep working around the house until one of two things happens: she’s done taking care of Micah or everything that needs to get done around the house is done (she is the judge of when that happens).  So when she nurses Micah, puts him to bed, and comes out of the room, she either finds me working to clean up the house or she comes out to a clean house.  Men, this simple rule gets me lots of brownie points.  I’m serving my wife regularly, and what this means is that she rarely if ever is bitter about serving me.  100/100 service.

Love Languages

I’d like to go back to an old standard when it comes to talking about serving your loved ones.  It’s called “love languages.”  The basic idea is that each of us has a primary love language.  We hear love communicated to us when someone speaks that love language.  When love is spoken in another language, it is hard for us to hear it.  So here’s the trick, if you want to serve the ones you love, learn their love language and speak it.

There are five love languages according to Gary Chapman: physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, and receiving gifts.  How do you know what the primary love language is that your loved one speaks?  Simply look at what they do for you (they speak in their primary language) or listen for what they request (nag?) you about.  I’d like to explore each of these love languages and while I am going to be talking mostly about romantic relationships today, almost everything I say can also be applied to any relationship.  In fact Chapman has written a love language book for almost every situation (children, teenagers, singles, and the work place).

Physical Touch

1 Corinthians 7:5 NLT – Do not deprive each other [of sexual relations…except by mutual agreement].

Paul is giving advice to couples where one has decided to abstain from sex for spiritual reasons.  He isn’t particularly sympathetic to this spiritual position.  Interestingly enough, “sexual relations” is not in the Greek but is implied.  So what exactly are we not to deprive one another of?  I’d suggest it is a deep kind of physical connection.  That takes place in sex, but it also takes place in all kinds of physical ways.

Gary Chapman says:

This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

For the person who speaks the love language of physical touch, give them a hug when you return home or a kiss before you leave.  Hold hands while standing beside one another or walk arm in arm.  Rest a hand on the thigh while watching a movie, or cuddle on the couch while watching TV.  Play footsie while eating out, and give a back rub when you get home.  Spoon before you fall asleep.

A book that Sarah and I read some years ago that I’d recommend is called the Art of Spooning: A Cuddler’s Handbook.  There’s the full body spoon, but there’s also the pinky spoon when it’s too hot.

Words of Affirmation

Song of Songs 1:2 NRSV – Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!

Why not just say, “Let him kiss me”?  Because “kisses of the mouth” are different kinds of kisses.  The person who speaks the love language of words of appreciation understands that words that come from the mouth can be as powerful as kisses.  They are “kisses of the mouth.”

Gary Chapman says:

Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

For the person who has the love language of words of affirmation, serve them by writing them notes, poems, and letters.  Praise them especially in front of friends and family.  If you’re thankful simply say it out loud.

I recently came across a line of sticky notes labeled “Sweet Nothings.”  These are great for communicating love with words of affirmation.  Write all kinds of sweet nothings and put them around the house for your loved one to find.  Or write one a day and put it on the bathroom mirror.

Quality Time

Genesis 2:24-25 NLT – A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

This may seem like an odd verse to talk about quality time, but the important thing here for the person who speaks the language of quality time is that their loved one has left other things to spend time with them.  He has left his family.  She has left her work.  He has left his cell phone.  She has left the children.  He has left his buddies.  She has left her books.  They are together united for one purpose: to spend quality time together.

Gary Chapman says:

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

I tend to get easily distracted.  If I’m on a date with Sarah, and there is a TV in the room, I find myself watching the TV rather than paying attention to Sarah.  So over time I have developed a habit: I try to sit on the side of the table where the TV will be at my back.  This way I will be fully present to Sarah.

Something else Sarah and I have noticed is that after almost fifteen years of marriage, while we both deeply appreciate quality time, it is sometimes hard to find things to talk about.  I mean, we’ve had fifteen years to talk to each other.  So what do we talk about tonight?  Some time ago we came across a book (actually I think my Mom gave it to me) called Love Talk Starters by Les Parrott.  It’s 280 pages of questions to talk about.  I often bring this book with us on date night so that if conversation gets thin, I have a backup.  I ask Sarah to pick a number, and we turn to that page.  We almost always learn something new about one another this way.

Acts of Service

Ephesians 5:21 NLT – Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Next time you come across one of those sticky passages where Paul tells wives to submit to their husbands, remember this verse: submit to one another!  Submission to one another means looking for one another’s needs and doing your best to meet them.

Gary Chapman says:

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.      

To speak love to the person who hears it in acts of service, try picking up the house, cleaning the house (dust, vacuum, bathrooms), grocery shopping, cooking dinner (or making lunch the night before!), doing the dishes, changing the diapers, doing yard work or gardening, taking care of the budget and bills.

I have a secret weapon when it comes to romance and acts of service.  I have used for many years now a book by Gregory Godek called 1001 Ways to be Romantic.  I don’t agree with every suggestion he makes in the book, but overall it is a huge treasure trove of ideas for how to serve your loved one.

Receiving Gifts

Proverbs 25:14 NLT – A person who doesn’t give a promised gift is like clouds and wind that don’t bring rain.

Don’t be clouds and wind but no rain.  There are certain expected days to give gifts, and the person who speaks the love language of receiving gifts takes those days as a promise whether you personally made the promise or not.  Then take it a step further and give gifts on other days!

Gary Chapman says:

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

The key here is that thoughtfulness and meaningfulness are what counts. I think the best gifts always celebrate the relationship.  One of the best gifts Sarah has given me is an apron that matches one for Micah. They were custom made by a local artisan she met at the farmers market.  I cried when I got the gift.  I have never cried at getting a gift before.

Perhaps one of the best gifts you can give is your presence.  You give a gift when you show up for a sporting event, recital, or arts stuff that you don’t like!  Or what about sitting through that TV show that your loved one likes but you don’t (don’t cancel out the gift by having a bad attitude!).

I’m not much of a gift giver, but recently I came across a website that would help considerably with giving gifts.  It’s called www.incrediblethings.com.  Now most of the stuff on this website is G or PG, be warned, sometimes the humor is PG-13 or R.  But more often than not, I immediately think of someone I could give that unique thing to as a gift.

Love Bank – Serve the Other

So what is your love language?  More important, what is the love language of your loved one?  Here’s the deal, serve your loved one by speaking their love language.  When you do you will fill up their love bank.  Filling up their love bank is important because all of us make withdrawals.  We all do negative things to the ones we love.  It takes five deposits to make up for every withdrawal.  If you fill up your loved one’s love bank, then they will more likely fill up yours.  You don’t serve them to get something back.  You serve them because you love them.  But it doesn’t hurt to know that you’re likely to get something back in return.

But what should you do if your loved one doesn’t reciprocate?  What If you give 100%, and your loved one gives 0%?  Let’s go back to what Jesus says, “Do for others as you would like them to do for you.”  Have you ever noticed the larger context of this one verse?  Let’s take a look.  I think it is instructive for the question: What should I do if my loved one isn’t showing me love back?

Luke 6:27-36 NLT

“But if you are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies. Do good to those who hate you.  Pray for the happiness of those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you.  If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn the other cheek. If someone demands your coat, offer your shirt also.  Give what you have to anyone who asks you for it; and when things are taken away from you, don’t try to get them back.  Do for others as you would like them to do for you. 

“Do you think you deserve credit merely for loving those who love you? Even the sinners do that!  And if you do good only to those who do good to you, is that so wonderful? Even sinners do that much!   And if you lend money only to those who can repay you, what good is that? Even sinners will lend to their own kind for a full return. 

“Love your enemies! Do good to them! Lend to them! And don’t be concerned that they might not repay. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to the unthankful and to those who are wicked.  You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate.

Wow!  If we’re commanded to love our enemies, then shouldn’t we love our loved ones even if they’re not loving us back?  Absolutely!  I’m not talking here about what to do if your “loved one” is hitting you.  You can remove yourself from a situation and still love someone.  Rather, I’m talking about the every day ins and outs, ups and downs, highs and lows of a relationship.  If you feel like your loved one isn’t loving you, then love them as you would want to be loved.  Speak their love language.  Give it six months.  Figure out their love language, and speak it daily.  Don’t do it expecting anything back.  Just love them with their language.  When they begin to notice (and trust me, they will), and they ask what’s going on, just say, “I’m trying to be a more loving husband/wife.  Is there anything I can do to love you better?”  Over time it is likely that they will ask you the same thing back, “Is there something I can do for you?”  When they ask you this, give them a very specific request: I’d like you to give me a hug when you leave for work,

I’d like to go out for dinner sometime this week, I’d like the kitchen table cleaned up, etc.

When they do this very specific thing, then you will know that they are communicating their love to you.

If you communicate love in the language that your loved one speaks, you will still have ups and downs.  These are natural.  There is a healthy running range of RPMs in any relationship.  But you will assuredly stay out of the redlining and deadlining.

Can I pray for you?

Loving God, you spoke your love to us in a way that we could hear by sending your son Jesus Christ to serve and love us.  Help each of us to serve and love our loved ones by speaking love to them in a way that they can hear it.  May it be true in all our relationships.  Amen.

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The Elements of Worship: God’s Love and Our Mission

December 20, 2010 by

The Elements of Worship

The Elements of Worship: God’s Love and Our Mission
Sycamore Creek Church
December 19, 2010
Isaiah 6:1-8
Tom Arthur

Peace, Friends!

Today we wrap up our series on The Elements of Worship.  Throughout this series we’ve used a definition of worship to guide us: Worship happens most fully when the community gathers to encounter God and respond with everything we’ve got.  Worship is first and foremost about God and not about what we get out of it.  Worship is fullest when it is communal.  Worship compels us to respond with everything: time, talents, treasure, testimony, prayers, presence, gifts, service, heart, mind, soul, strength.  Everything!

Our scripture text each week has been Isaiah 6:1-8.  Here we read about Isaiah’s encounter with God and his response.  Let’s hear God’s story again.

Isaiah 6:1-8 (NLT)

1 In the year King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord. He was sitting on a lofty throne, and the train of his robe filled the Temple. 2 Hovering around him were mighty seraphim, each with six wings. With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with the remaining two they flew. 3 In a great chorus they sang,

“Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty!

The whole earth is filled with his glory!”

4 The glorious singing shook the Temple to its foundations, and the entire sanctuary was filled with smoke. 5 Then I said, “My destruction is sealed, for I am a sinful man and a member of a sinful race. Yet I have seen the King, the LORD Almighty!”

6 Then one of the seraphim flew over to the altar, and he picked up a burning coal with a pair of tongs. 7 He touched my lips with it and said, “See, this coal has touched your lips. Now your guilt is removed, and your sins are forgiven.” 8 Then I heard the Lord asking, “Whom should I send as a messenger to my people? Who will go for us?” And I said, “Lord, I’ll go! Send me.”

This is God’s story for us today.  Thank you, God!

Along with this scripture text we’ve been using a different element from the periodic table each week to explore a different character trait of God that we encounter in worship and our corresponding response.  We began on the first week with carbon as known in the beauty of a diamond and God’s glory and our response of praise.  Then we moved on to hydrogen, a very explosive and potentially dangerous element, and God’s holiness and our conviction and confession.  Last week we looked at copper, a very flexible metal which has no “gotcha,” and God’s mercy and our response of thankfulness and forgiveness of others.  Today we finish the series with lithium and God’s love and our response of mission.

Let’s bring back to mind some of the characteristics of lithium.  Lithium is probably best known in our day in the form of lithium-ion batteries.  Lithium-ion batteries power our cell phones, our computers, our cameras, our gadgets, and our cars.  In this form lithium provides the energy for action.  Lithium also is used to treat bipolar disorder.  It evens out the highs and lows of mania and depression.  So now that we know a little bit about lithium, let’s look again at the text from Isaiah and see what we can learn from it about God’s love.

Love is the action of God which balances between God’s glory and holiness and God’s mercy.  On the one side, God’s glory and holiness, we’ve got a rather one-two punch of God’s power and beauty and purity that we don’t really measure up to.  On the other side we’ve got the flexibility of God’s mercy.  The balance between the two is God’s love.

Consider again lithium.  It balances out the mania and depression of bipolar.  Or consider the lithium-ion battery: “A lithium-ion battery is a family of rechargeable battery types in which lithium ions move from the negative electrode to the positive electrode during discharge, and back when charging” (Wikipedia).  So lithium-ion batteries have this movement back and forth between two poles: negative and positive.  The movement provides energy for action.

We could say that God’s love balances or moves back and forth between the two poles of God’s glory and holiness on one side and God’s mercy on the other side.  If we read back through Isaiah 6:1-8 we see that Isaiah encounters God’s glory and holiness and says in verse five, “Woe me!”  Then Isaiah experiences God’s mercy in verse six and seven and then says very literally in verse eight, “Whoa me!”  The movement from “Woe me” to “Whoa me” is God’s love.  The two poles of God’s character work together in harmony for action.

Let’s look at some practical examples of how something fairly unbending works with something more flexible to produce a helpful action.  Take skiing.  Skis are pretty firm and unbending.  Downhill skis have a sharp edge that can be somewhat dangerous if you don’t treat it properly.  While skis are rigid and stiff, skiing takes place on something rather flexible: snow.  Snow, especially powder snow, is light and fluffy.  Snow is much more giving than say ice.  I know because when I was learning to ski I hit an ice patch and went down hard and scraped up the side of my face.  A rigid ski on rigid ice is no fun.  But a rigid ski on soft snow gives you the action of skiing.  God’s glory and holiness on one side are balanced by God’s mercy on the other side by the action of God’s love.

Or take a tire.  A tire is filled with pressure.  Pressure is what keeps the rubber off the road.  But a tire isn’t filled with the pressure of, say, concrete.  No.  It’s filled with the pressure of air.  Air, last time I checked is pretty flexible.  We walk through it all the time.  It is much different walking through air than say walking through a concrete wall. One will hurt you but the other will allow you to move effortlessly from point A to point B.  If you don’t have pressure and air working together you’ve got a flat tire.  I’ve only had one flat tire on my current car.  It was on a Sunday morning.  I came out to go to church and found that my tire was flat.  I was a little excited.  I hadn’t changed a tire in a long time.  So I opened my trunk to pull out the lug nut wrench and jack.  There was one significant problem.  My car didn’t have a lug nut wrench!  I had owned the car for almost ten years but had never needed to look for the lug nut wrench.  I had no way of fixing the tire.  I missed church that morning.  It’s the only time I’ve ever been thwarted from going to church.  I didn’t have the balance of pressure and air to help my tire with the action of rolling.  I was dead in the parking lot.

Or take parenting.  On the one hand parents must have rules.  Rules are fairly rigid and unbending or they wouldn’t be rules.  And yet every parent must know what battles to fight and what battles to dodge.  The end result of the balance between these two poles of being firm and flexible is the action of forming a child well.  The action of balancing between being firm and flexible is the action of love.

Woe me!  God’s mercy.  Whoa me!

The natural response of encountering God’s love in worship is joining God’s mission.  Let’s go back to lithium again.  One form that lithium comes in that I haven’t yet mentioned is lithium grease.  It’s a great lubricant for household products because it resists heat and moisture.  Interestingly enough, lithium grease is made up of two things you don’t usually consider putting together: oil and soap!  Lithium lubricates for action by putting together two things that sometimes don’t go together well.

Joining God’s mission means walking people through the balance of God’s glory and holiness on the one hand and God’s mercy on the other hand.  Let’s go back to Isaiah 6 and look at the verses that follow the first eight.  God asks who will go for God and Isaiah responds saying, “Whoa, send me!”  Then something very unusual happens.  We read what God tells Isaiah to say to the people:

Isaiah 6:9-10 (NLT)

And [God] said, “Yes, go. But tell my people this: ‘You will hear my words, but you will not understand. You will see what I do, but you will not perceive its meaning.’ Harden the hearts of these people. Close their ears, and shut their eyes. That way, they will not see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts, and turn to me for healing.”

Whoa!  Isaiah is to preach God’s glory and holiness through God’s judgment.  You’ll see but not understand.  You’ll hear but not listen.  Your hearts will harden.  Your eyes will shut.  Your ears will close.  Nothing.  Nada.  Zilch.  Yikes!

This is God’s firm glory and holiness.  It is a message that most of us are not very comfortable sharing with others, but this is part of God’s love and our mission.  You can’t know God’s love until you have fully experienced God’s glory and holiness first.  But thankfully that’s not the end of the story of our mission or Isaiah’s.

If we continue to read Isaiah we come across a distinct change in Isaiah’s message in chapter forty.  Many scholars think that this part of Isaiah comes after the destruction of the temple in Jerusalem.  The people of Israel are now going to encounter God’s mercy.  Isaiah says:

Isaiah 40:1-2 (NLT)

“Comfort, comfort my people,” says your God. “Speak tenderly to Jerusalem. Tell her that her sad days are gone and that her sins are pardoned. Yes, the LORD has punished her in full for all her sins.”

This is God’s mercy.  This is God’s flexibility.  Thank you, God!  But we can not fully experience God’s love until we move first through the firmness of God’s glory and holiness and then into God’s mercy.  And likewise, our mission to others must help them experience the balance of “woe me” and “you are forgiven.”  In this way we are a come as you are kind of church (God’s mercy), but not stay as you are (God’s glory and holiness), so that we can reach people where they are (God’s love).

So how do you do this in the next week?  Let me offer some suggestions.  First, you have an opportunity today to join in God’s mission here at SCC by delivering a food basket to a family who has requested one in our community.  This is a time to share God’s love with someone in need of a pretty basic thing in life: food.  Take some time, as you sense it is available, to talk a little with the family you are delivering the food to.  We’ve included a prayer card for you to pray with them.  Invite them to church.  Offer to pick them up!  Join in God’s mission and God’s love today in this way.

Second, most of us tend to err on one side of love’s balance equation.  We are either too firm or too flexible.  You know what side you err on.  And maybe you err one way or another depending on the context.  With your children you are always too flexible.  With your co-workers you are always too firm.  With your boss you tend to be too firm.  With your friends you tend to be too flexible.  So this week err on the other side.  If you are usually too flexible with your kids, be more firm.  If you are usually too firm at work, be more flexible.  Be firm (God’s glory and holiness).  Be flexible (God’s mercy).  Do both and you’ll be sharing God’s love with your family, friends, neighbors, and co-workers.

Thankfully we don’t do this alone.  When we worship God we encounter God’s love and we respond by joining God’s mission.  God’s love, God’s balancing act between God’s glory and holiness and God’s mercy rubs off on us.  God’s Spirit helps us to balance between being firm and being flexible.  God’s Spirit helps us love the way that God loves.  Thank you, God!

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