Raising Home Run Kids – Step Up To Home Plate
Sycamore Creek Church
May 3/4, 2015
Proverbs 22:6
Tom Arthur

Peace friends!

My first interaction with parenting came before I was a parent myself.  I was living in a house with other people who had kids.  Several of these people were homeless women and children.  One of the women had a little three-year-old boy named CJ.  CJ was a handful at times.  He didn’t have a lot of structure in his life.  He loved to treat me as a living room jungle gym.  He’s climb all over me like I was a set of monkey bars.  He’d grab hold of whatever he could get his little hands on and pull himself up and over my shoulders and head plopping down behind me on the couch.  One day while he was climbing all over me, he found a great handhold at the neck of my church.  As he pulled himself up the neck of my shirt stretched out far enough for him to put his head down into my shirt.  He immediately popped his head back out, looked me straight in the eye, and said (I’m quoting here….), “Where are your titties!?”  I sputtered, thought, paused, then responded, “I think you need to go ask your mom.”  What I did in that moment was drop the ball for helping this single mom talk about how God made us different.  I lost the chance to teach him something about the beauty of God’s creation, including our bodies.  I failed to step up to the plate.

Today is a great day to be at SCC, because we’re starting a new series called Raising Home Run Kids.  Some of you who think you’re not parents are thinking, “A whole series on parenting!?”  Let me remind you that if you’re not a parent right now, good chances are that you are a grandparent or that you have children in your life in some shape or form (nephews, nieces, cousins).  And then there’s the church.  All of you are spiritual moms and dads if you’re part of SCC.  Fuller Youth Institute, based at Fuller Seminary in southern California, has been running a longitudinal study on youth learning what makes faith “sticky faith.”  In other words, what has to happen for faith to stick in a child as he or she transitions into adulthood.  They found that:

“While most U.S. churches focus on building strong youth groups, teenagers also need to build relationships with adults of all ages…Churches and families wanting to instill deep faith in youth should help them build a web of relationships with committed and caring adults” (Emphasis added).
~Fuller Youth Institute’s “Sticky Faith” Longitudinal study of Youth
(See more at: http://stickyfaith.org/leader/about/press-releases#sthash.bjMAhD4u.dpuf)

So you may not think this series directly applies to you, but I think it does.  I think it does because you are part of the web of relationships that my boys will form as they grow into young men.  Each of you is an essential part of Sarah and my parenting strategy.  But let’s assume for a moment you don’t buy it.  So what do you do when a message series isn’t specific to you?  Here are four things to consider:

1. Don’t drop out (Your presence encourages others who need you).
2. Learn to help others (Enjoy learning about something you may not have chosen to learn about so that you can help others).
3. Pray for those who need it.
4. Invite someone you know who does need it.

So we’ve established that this series isn’t just for parents.  It’s for all of us.  So let’s talk about three ways to step up to the plate when it comes to the children in our lives.

1.     You Are Your Child’s First Coach.

Our theme verse for this series is Proverbs 22:6 NRSV which says:

Train children in the right way,
and when old, they will not stray.
~Proverbs 22:6 NRSV

Let’s talk about some potential pitfalls when it comes to this verse.  This is not a promise, it is wisdom.  Wisdom is ancient psychological research.  Wisdom is what happens most of the time.  But we all know examples of parents who did all the training you could reasonably expect of a parent and whose child exercised the amazing and terrible freedom that God gives each of us: free-will.  And yet, generally speaking, when you train up a child in the right way, when they grow up, they will certainly improvise on that way but they’ll stick to it.

Another research group that has studied what is effective in the faith development of children is Search Institute (By the way, much of what I share today is based not only in the Bible but also confirmed by research).  Search Institute did a big cross-denominational study on the Effectiveness of Christian Education (aka Sunday School, children’s programs, etc.).  What they found was that the biggest influence in the faith formation of children and teenagers is Mom and Dad.  Here’s the results of their study:

Top Positive Faith Influences (Search Institute)

1. Mother – 64%
2. Father – 34%
3. Sunday School – 33%
4. Spouse – 32%
5. God’s Presence – 31%
6. Worship – 30%
7. Bible – 25%
8. Prayer – 24%
9. Love – 22%
10. Pastor – 21%

Notice how I’m number ten on that list.  Mom and Dad are first.  But not far behind is Sunday School.  That’s a great team.  Parents and Kids Creek together train children in the way they should go.  That raises an interesting question in my mind: What “way” do you want your children to go?  What are you aiming at?  I think most of us are aiming at least at healthy behaviors.  Here’s some good news: church participation predicts healthy behaviors.  Search Institute found that:

“Young people who are religiously active are, on average, 39% less likely to engage in 10 high-risk behavior patterns, especially use of tobacco, illicit drugs, school problems, alcohol abuse, antisocial behavior, and driving and alcohol…In addition, they are, on average, 26% more likely to have 8 indicators of thriving, especially getting good grades in school, resisting danger, maintaining physical health, and leadership.”
~Search Institute

Now that sounds nice and safe.  But I want more!  If I think about it clearly, there are worse things in my mind than sex, drugs, and rock and roll.  More than my kids staying away from “dangerous things,” I want dangerous kids.  I want fully committed followers of Jesus!  I want children who have joined the divine rescue mission to the world! I want kids who love Jesus with everything they’ve got.  I want kids who are dangerous to all that is wrong with the world!  Parents, what are you coaching your children toward?  In order to train your child in this way, parents, you are your child’s first coach.  Not me.  Not Kids Creek Teachers.  You.  Parents are a child’s first coach.  Of course, it’s good to have a team, and we’ll talk about that more in the coming weeks, but today, you are your child’s first coach.

2.  Be a Player First, Coach Second (Be a Christian first, parent second)

Have you ever played a sport and had a coach?  Every sport I’ve ever played had a coach.  And every coach I’ve ever had was a player before he or she was a coach.  Consider some of the great coaches.  Mark Dantonio “attended the University of South Carolina and earned three letters as a defensive back.” Tom Izzo “played guard for the Northern Michigan men’s basketball team. In his senior season, he set a school record for minutes played and was named a Division II All-American.”  Then there’s the best coach of all time: Coach K.  Coach K played basketball under Bob Knight while training at West Point to become an officer in the United States Army. “He was captain of the Army basketball team in his senior season, 1968–69, leading his team to the National Invitation Tournament (NIT) at Madison Square Garden in New York City, where West Point finished fourth in the tournament” (Thank you Wikipedia).

While these coaches were good players, they weren’t perfect star players.  But they were players first before they were coaches.  The same is true of your coaching your children in the faith.  You’ve got to be a player first before you can coach your kids.  You’ve got to be a Christian first before you can coach your kids to become Christians.

Jesus says:

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.”
~Matthew 6:33 NLT

You may be tempted to put your identity as a parent first.  Resist that temptation.  If you pick parent first, you will lose something.  But if you pick Jesus first, and put parenting second, you will gain both.  I think it could be said that if your identity is primarily in your child, your child will train you rather than you training your child!  So here’s some training questions for you today from your pastor coach:

1. What are your personal spiritual H.A.B.I.T.S?  (H.A.B.I.T.S. is an acronym for basic spiritual practices that we all need to develop: Hanging out with God and Hospitality; Authenticity in Small Groups; Bible Reading and Memorization; Involvement with the Church and Inviting; Tithing and Stewarding God’s Money; and Serving the Church, Community, and World).
2. Have you developed a personal spiritual growth plan for yourself? (Consider the 3 Simple Rules: Do No Harm, Do Good, and Stay in Love with God.  What intentional steps are you taking under each of those “rules” to grow as a better “player”?)
3. Are you investing time in other significant relationships/friendships, particularly your spouse?  Do you set time aside from parenting to nurture your marriage?  Do you set time aside from marriage to nurture your friendships?  Friendships support your marriage and your marriage is ground zero for your parenting.  If you neglect the significant relationships in your life, there’s no way you will be a healthy player first to be able to be a healthy coach to your kids.  Your kids need you to spend time on your marriage and friendships.  (Of course you can take this and any other important thing overboard.)

If you want to coach your kids to follow Jesus, then you’ve got to be a player first yourself.  Follow Jesus first yourself.

3.  Get Your Family in the Game (Family Faith Practices Matter)

There’s a crucial point in the story of Israel, when God’s People are tempted to begin following other gods.  Joshua, the leader of Israel following Moses, stands up and says:

But if you refuse to serve the Lord, then choose today whom you will serve. Would you prefer the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates? Or will it be the gods of the Amorites in whose land you now live? But as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord.
~Joshua 24:15 NLT

Joshua is picking his team and getting his whole family in the game.  How do you get your family in the game?  What are family faith practices you can do at home?  What are family faith H.A.B.I.T.S.?  The answer to this question is almost limitless, but I want to focus on three today that we practice in our home.  Let me clarify.  These are practices that we aim at but we’re not batting 1.000.  But we are definitely far above .500.

1.       Family Prayer & Bible Reading

Before we go to bed each night, we gather together and pray the Lord’s Prayer as a family.  The Lord’s Prayer was probably the first long text Micah had memorized (the next was probably Psalm 23).  Then while I’m laying in Bed with Micah, we reach from a Children’s version of the Psalms and a children’s Bible (I’m kind of a children’s Bible snob and the version we use is no longer in print.  What I like about it is that it’s not a paraphrase of the Bible, but it’s an actual children’s translation of selected stories.  It’s gritty and sometimes makes me a squirm a little reading the real stories to my children.  But I like that it makes no attempt to sanitize the stories.  The stories of the Bible aren’t just simple clean morality stories.  Sometimes they are meant to be wrestled with amidst other Christians.  The closest I’ve found to the Bible we use that is currently in print can be found here.)  After we read the Bible we take a couple of moments to ask what made us happy and what made us sad from the day.  We then thank God for what made us happy and we ask for help with what made us sad.  That’s it.  Easy.  Simple.  Children’s Psalms.  Children’s Bible.  Happy.  Sad.  Prayer. (I should add that between the Children’s Bible and the Happy/Sad/Prayer almost always comes a book about dinosaurs.)

2.       Family worship

The second family practice is regular corporate worship attendance.  Do you attend worship regularly?  What about when you can’t attend?  Do you gather with a local or online church when you’re on vacation?  Do you prioritize worship involvement over extracurricular activities?  One year one of the teenagers I was baptizing ended up with a conflict.  His sports camp began on Sunday morning when he was scheduled to be baptized.  He had a conflict here.  I told him that I would baptize him on another day, but that I would recommend telling his coach that he was being baptized that Sunday and would show up at camp late.  He was worried that it would cause his coach to think he wasn’t committed.  Turns out that he chose baptism over his sports camp, told his coach, and his coach was so impressed that he asked him to share with the sports camp why he was late and why he was being baptized!  It became a moment to share his faith.  Wow!

Now I’m not a purist about this issue.  We do have a vision here at SCC to have seven satellites in seven venues on seven days of the week: 7 – 7 – 7.  You’ve hit the jackpot at SCC!  So if you can’t get your Sunday on Sunday, get your Sunday on Monday @ Church in a Diner.  Can’t make it on Sunday or Monday?  Then get your Sunday on Saturday  @ Riverview or Trinity.  I often go to one of these mega church Saturday services just so I can worship without being in charge of anything.  And I bring my kids with me!  Or you can’t do Saturday, Sunday, or Monday.  Then get your Sunday on the first Tuesdays @ The Loft, Crossroad’s Church in a Bar downtown (yes, they stole our “Church in a Diner” idea and just made it sexier in a bar downtown).

The National Study of Youth and Religion found that:

“On average, adolescent religious service attendance declines over time, related to major life course transitions such as becoming employed, leaving home, and initiating sexual activity. Parents’ affiliation and attendance, on the other hand, are protective factors against decreasing attendance…The religious context within the home, however, is also an important buffer against declining rates of attendance. Parental religiosity predicts a smaller decrease in religious service attendance over time.”
(http://youthandreligion.nd.edu/assets/124513/hardie_pearce_denton_2013.pdf)

Want your kids to attend worship as they grow into adults?  How’s your worship attendance?

3.       Family Faith Conversations

Do you talk about faith at home?  Do your kids know how you became a Christian? Do your kids know how God has worked in your life in the past? Do your kids know how God is working in your life right now? Do your kids know how faith impacts your finances? Do your kids know what you believe and why?  One way we begin faith conversations at our home is through a set of cards we keep on our table called Faith Talk Cards.  We used to try to do this at dinner, but for some reason it didn’t work very well.  So we moved this practice to breakfast.  At breakfast most mornings we pull out the Faith Talk Cards, and Micah pulls out one or more cards.  The cards have questions on them or faith conversation starters.  Micah loves it.  He often gets to answer the question too.

Get your family in the game by taking time to read the Bible with your kids and pray with your kids.  Get your family in the game by attending worship together regularly.  Get your family in the game by having family faith conversations.

Train children in the right way,
and when old, they will not stray.
~Proverbs 22:6 NRSV

What is “the way” you are training your child?  Do you have to be perfect?  No.  Dave Stone, a pastor and author, says, “God is more concerned with your direction than he is with your perfection.”  But if you don’t think intentionally about it, then it’s unlikely that you’ll have moments like this:

My oldest Son Micah, has a stuffed animal puppy he’s named Huckle.  Huckle is always doing whatever we’re doing.  Huckle is currently building church.  Or Huckle is in a band and plays the drums.  Or Huckle is cooking dinner tonight.  Or Huckle is doing chores and getting paid for them.  The other day, Micah told us that when Huckle does his chores and saves up his money, he wants to give the money to Nicaragua and Compassion Closet!  Now where did Huckle come up with that idea?  You know.  He came up with it because Micah (and Huckle) attend Sycamore Creek Church, and SCC gives us opportunities as parents to participate in things like Nicaragua medical missions and collecting items for Compassion Closet.  Micah is being coached by his parents and by his church in the way he should go, and when he is older, it’s my prayer (and I think it’s your prayer too) that he would be dangerous to all that is wrong with the world because he’s faithfully following Jesus.  Church, thank you for helping Sarah and me coach our child.  Thank you for helping us step up to the plate.  Now are you ready to step up to the plate too?