Spiritual Friendships

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Timothy: Letters to a Young Man
Spiritual Friendships
Sycamore Creek Church
September 8/9, 2013
Tom Arthur
1 Timothy 1:1-5

Peace Friends!

The other day Sarah, my wife, sent me to the grocery store to pick up some diapers for Sam, our newborn son.  I walked into the store confident that I could get the job done.  Then I got to the diaper section.  Have you ever looked at how many kinds of diapers there are in the diaper section?  I couldn’t figure it out.  I spent several minutes trying to master the various ways that they categorize diapers. Then after about five minutes I looked up and realized I was in the adult incontinence section.  I wasn’t even looking at children’s diapers!

The Problem
Here’s the problem I want to wrestle with today: life is made up of hundreds if not thousands of choices each day.  We feel paralyzed not knowing how to navigate all these choices.

I also experience this problem as a pastor.  How do I spend my day?  Which way do I lead the church?  What area should I focus on first?  Of the hundreds and thousands of things I could be doing as a pastor, which ones should I really make sure are getting done?  Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the choices.

I know I’m not alone.  I asked my friends on Facebook, When was a time you felt overwhelmed by choices?  Here is a sample of the answers I got:

• Most of the time. I haven’t been diagnosed with anything, but I’m fairly easily confused, and need to take in my info in small increments at a time.
• College. You’re expected to make choices about the rest of your life before you really even know who you are as a person. It can be very very stressful being constantly worried that you’re making the wrong decisions and that you’ll be unhappy the rest of your life.
• Parenting – there are so many theories/methods/beliefs about how to feed, sleep, discipline, etc, and you have to deal with it the midst of being tired and while trying to balance the rest of life.
• After the death of a loved one…life must go on. Sometimes it’s hard to get motivated and focus on accomplishing anything.
• I second the comment on parenting. You have infinite choices on how to handle any given situation or decision, and often have mere seconds to decide how to respond.
• Trying to decide what direction to go after downsizing? After a divorce?
• Always!
• When making ‘big’ life changes, like where to live after graduation, what degree to follow in college
• Standing in front of the donut case at QD. Just kidding…Sort of.

Spiritual Friends
So what direction does God give us about all these choices?  What guidance does the Bible offer for how we navigate the hundreds and thousands if not millions of choices we have to make over a lifetime?

Today we begin a new series.  It’s called Timothy: Letters to a Young Man.  It’s a Bible series where we’ll take the next four weeks and dive into the two books of 1 & 2 Timothy in the New Testament.  They are written by Paul, the first missionary of the church, to Timothy, a young man and leader of the church.  I’d like to encourage you over the next four weeks to read these two letters.  There are only ten chapters between the two letters, so if you read one chapter a day over the next four weeks, you’ll read them at least two times.

What you’ll find in these two books is the point of this message: spiritual friends (those interested in your wellbeing from the perspective of Eternity) help us make wise decisions to live well.  Paul and Timothy are spiritual friends.  Let’s dive into the first letter and see what we find about the landscape of their spiritual friendship.

1 Timothy 1:1-5
Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the command of God our Savior and of Christ Jesus our hope, To Timothy, my loyal child in the faith: Grace, mercy, and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord.  I urge you, as I did when I was on my way to Macedonia, to remain in Ephesus so that you may instruct certain people not to teach any different doctrine, and not to occupy themselves with myths and endless genealogies that promote speculations rather than the divine training that is known by faith. But the aim of such instruction is love [action] that comes from a pure heart [motivation], a good conscience [Holy Spirit], and sincere faith [Ultimate ends: Eternity].

There are three things I see going on here.  First, Paul invests in Timothy.  Paul considers Timothy a “loyal child in the faith.”  Paul is like a spiritual father to Timothy.  He is investing significant time and attention into Timothy.

Second, Timothy invests in others.  Timothy is expected to be “instructing certain people.”  Paul is investing in Timothy in part to model for Timothy how Timothy might invest in others.  So Paul’s investment in Timothy has an impact beyond Timothy as Timothy invests in others.

Third, the goal of all this “divine training” is “love that comes from a pure heart.”  In other words, Paul is training Timothy in both his actions, love, and his motivations, a pure heart.  He wants Timothy to do the right thing but also for the right reasons and motivations.

Paul sums up the purpose of this divine training elsewhere when he says: Train yourself in godliness, for, while physical training is of some value, godliness is valuable in every way, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come (1 Timothy 4:7-8)

Perhaps we can describe what we’ve been talking about so far as the Why of spiritual friendships.  I’d like to give you some very practical advice on the Who, What, and How of spiritual friendships.

The Who of Spiritual Friendships
Find a Paul, a spiritual friend, who mentors you, who invests in your life not just from the perspective of here and now but from the perspective of Eternity, from the perspective of what God desires of your actions and motivations.  This person should not be me.  Not your pastor?!  Yes.  Not your pastor.  Why?  Because there’s no way I can invest in two-hundred plus people that call Sycamore Creek Church their home.  That’s not to say you can’t come to me from time to time, but I’m talking about someone who invests in you on a weekly if not daily basis.

One of the best ways to find a spiritual friend like this is in small groups.  Small groups are environments that build friendships.  But short of finding that person in your small group, look around your life and ask yourself, “Who do I look up to as a Christian?  Who is further along their spiritual journey in a way that I want to be like?”  Then go ask them to invest in you.  Start small.  Ask for one meeting.  Tell them you’re impressed with how they live their life and would like to know more about how they think about life and what they do to live their life the way that they do.  If after that first meeting you still like what you see in that person, ask for a second meeting.  At that second meeting propose a three to six month commitment where you meet weekly or every other week.  Then suggest a format for those meetings, which we’ll talk more about in a moment.  Who is your Paul?

When it comes to Who, I want you to not only look for who is investing in you, but I want you to look for a spiritual friend that you invest in, a Timothy.  This of course might be your immediate family, but it also might be your extended family: your nieces and nephews, your grandkids, or your godchildren.  Maybe it is someone who isn’t even a Christian but could really use someone to invest in them like a co-worker, neighbor, friend, etc.  I’ve begun investing some time in a young man in my neighborhood who mows my yard.  His family is not actively involved in a church and his grandfather just died this past week. His dad asked me to look for an opportunity to talk to him about death.  Or maybe the Who is a “younger” Christian.  I don’t mean younger in terms of age but younger in terms of not as far along the Christian journey as you are.  This might be someone who is a member of our church, or someone in your small group, or a kid in Kids Creek or a student in StuREV.

When I was a teenager I became aware of a friend of mine, Tiffany, in my radio class (yes, my high school had a radio station) that had just become a Christian.  She was brand new to her walk.  I had been trying to do this whole following Jesus thing for many years at that point.  So I began to invest in her.  I asked her to make a video to share what that meant to her.

I know what you’re thinking.  You weren’t interested in investing her spiritually.  You were trying to catch an attractive girlfriend!  I can’t say that wasn’t part of what influenced me, but she did have a boyfriend at the time, and we never dated or even talked about it.  I came to realize that sometimes there are more important things than potential romantic attractions.  God calls us to invest spiritually in those around us, to be spiritual friends.  Who is your Timothy?

The What of Spiritual Friendships
When we read Paul’s letters to Timothy, we see that there are two things that keep popping up over and over again: prayer and scripture.  He says: I remember you constantly in my prayers night and day (2 Timothy 1:3), and elsewhere he tells Timothy to be praying for those around him.  Prayer should be some part of what you do with your spiritual friend.

Paul also instructs Timothy a lot about scripture.  He says: All scripture is inspired-by-God and useful for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, so that everyone who belongs to God may be proficient, equipped for every good work (2 Timothy 3:16-17).  Scripture should also be a big part of your spiritual friendship.  Are you reading it together?  Are you studying it together?  Are you sharing how it works in your life or asking questions about it together?

While we’re talking about the What of spiritual friendships, let’s digress slightly for a moment to talk about what happens when you disagree with your mentor or spiritual friend.  This is an important topic because it is likely that as you read through Paul’s letters to Timothy, there will be some things there that he says that you don’t agree with.  In particular, there might be some things he says about women and slaves that you have a hard time swallowing.  For example:

Let a woman learn in silence with full submission. I permit no womanto teach or to have authority over a man;she is to keep silent (1 Timothy 2:11-12).

Let all who are under the yoke of slavery regard their masters as worthy of all honor, so that the name of God and the teaching may not be blasphemed (1 Timothy 6:1).

I don’t want to dig into the details of these two verses and others like them right now. What I want to explore is what happens when you disagree with your mentor or spiritual friend, especially when your mentor is scripture.

A mentor of mine is Richard Hays. He is currently the dean of Duke Divinity school, but when I was there studying to be a pastor, he was the chair of the Bible department.  I had him for several classes including introduction to New Testament.  In his last lecture of the class he likened scripture to a mentor and said this:

When this mentor reproves us, we take it to heart. When this mentor offers encouragement and hope, we take heart. When this mentor says something baffling or offensive, we weigh it long and seriously. On those rare occasions when finally we feel compelled to disagree, we do so with fear and trembling, as well as with undiminished love and respect. And if we disagree, we do so on the basis of what the mentor has taught us.

I offer that to you as guidance for how to disagree with your mentor, spiritual friend, or even scripture.

The How of Spiritual Friendships
So let me boil all this down into a relatively simple package of how you invest in your spiritual friend.  I like to use very intentional questions.  I have a set of them in my back pocket that I pull out when I’m meeting with someone who I am investing in.  Many of them will not be new to you.  You’ve heard me preach about them, but let me share them with you again.

How are your RPMs (Relational, Physical, Mental, Spiritual Wellbeing)?  Take time to explore what scripture says about all these things and to pray about them.

How are you doing with the Three Simple Rules (Do no harm, Do good, Stay in love with God)?

What has been your spiritual high and spiritual low since we last met?

How are your H.A.B.I.T.S.?  (Hanging out with God and Hospitality, Accountability, Bible reading and memorization, Involvement with the Church and inviting to Church, Tithing, and Serving the church/community/world).

 Lastly: the “Six Questions”:

1. How are you?
2. What are you celebrating?
3. What obstacles are you facing?
4. What are you doing to overcome those obstacles?
5. What can I do to help?
6. How can I pray for you?

If you use one set of those questions each time you meet, you won’t go wrong.

The Church = Spiritual Friendships
Imagine a community that is creating environments where these kinds of spiritual friendships thrive.  Imagine a community where people are investing in one another in significant ways.  Imagine a community that helps you build friendships that are giving you guidance for how to navigate the hundreds and thousands if not millions of decisions you will have to make in your life.  If you can imagine that, then you have imagined the church that I want Sycamore Creek Church to be.  People are not just looking for a friendly church, but a church where people can make spiritual friends that help them make decisions with an eye toward eternity.

Fast forward in my friendship with Tiffany many years.  Tiffany is now working at the Gospel Music Channel:

Who knew that this young Christian that another young Christian was investing in would have such an impact today?  Who knows what impact you will have when you find your Paul and your Timothy?  We were made for spiritual friendships.  Don’t do life alone.

Small Groups – GroupLINK
Sycamore Creek Church offers several small groups every semester to create environments where spiritual friendships can thrive.  You may think you can follow Jesus alone or by simply coming to worship regularly, but I think you are mistaken.  You can only study and train hard for following Jesus by building deep spiritual friendships with other people in some kind of small group setting.  Worship just isn’t a setting that facilitates those kind of friendships.  Small groups do.

During the month of September you’ll have the opportunity to sign up for one of several small groups this fall.  Small groups change lives.  Small groups build deep friendships.  Small groups introduce people to Jesus Christ.  Small groups help people follow Jesus more faithfully.  Small groups support one another.  Small groups pray for one another.  Small groups are an environment for encountering God.  And more and more and more…

We’re beginning a semester-based small group system this fall.  That means you’ll be signing up for a small group that only lasts from October to December.  During January we’ll take the month off, and you’ll have the opportunity to sign up for the next semester that runs from February to April.  That means you’re signing up for a time-bound small group.  It has a start and end date to fit the rhythm of your life.  During the next three weeks, you’ll have the opportunity to sign up for one of these small groups.  So go ahead, sign up for a fall semester small group and build some spiritual friendships!