Networking for People Who Hate Networking: A Field Guide for Introverts, the Overwhelmed, and the Underconnected
By Devora Zack
Rating: 7 of 10
Thanks to Devora Zack, I’ve realized something about myself. I’m not an introvert. I’m what she calls a “centrovert.” The distinction is very helpful. If you’re familiar with the Meyers Briggs personality type inventory you will know that there is a scale that ranges from one side, introvert, to the other side, extrovert. When I have taken the inventory in the past, I tend to fall in the middle toward the introvert side. I have always claimed that I’m an introvert. But Devora points out that people in the middle are better called “centroverts.” The reality for me is that I can put on a lot of extrovert skills when needed, but they tend to wear me out over time.
Sometimes I look like an extrovert, especially if you come to church on Sunday morning. But Devora points out that introverts think to talk (they’re reflective), they go deep (they’re focused), and they energize alone (they’re self-reliant). This pretty much nails me most of the time. On the other hand extroverts talk to think (they’re verbal), they’re expansive (range widely), and they energize with others (they’re social).
Devora points out that networking books tend to cater to extroverts. Her book is different. She outlines a very helpful set of guidelines that play to introverts strengths. Here’s a list of old rules for networking that play to extroverts and new rules that play to introverts:
Old Rule: Jump on in (Patter)
New Rule: Pause (Plan for networking)
Old Rule: Sell yourself (Promote)
New Rule: Process (Go deep to connect)
Old Rule: Maximize time with others (Party)
New Rule: Pace (Know when to withdraw to energize)
Devora then runs these three new rules through several different settings that people often find themselves in such as a conference, hunting for a job, business travel, or at a networking event. Her best example from her own experience was from a conference she personally attended.
Pause: She researched all the publishers who would be there. Of the hundreds she found two or three that fit the kind of book she wanted to write.
Process: She narrowed her list down to one and set up a meeting with that one publisher and connected deeply by being very well prepared for that one meeting.
Pace: She didn’t meet with any of the other publishers. She brought all her energy to that one meeting. She didn’t try to promote herself everywhere. She paced her energy.
The result was the book I read. Most people would think that to get a book published you have to get it out to as many publishers as possible, and this may work sometimes. But my own experience watching my wife (who is probably a “centrovert” on the extrovert side) write and publish is that she does best when she narrows her ideas down to very specific publishers and works to build a lasting relationship with those publishers.
So here’s how I’m taking this into my next conference setting. I just attended a second pastors conference in Florida. I decided to PAUSE and do some advanced planning. I emailed the co-organizer and described myself (I actually already new him) and my situation as a second pastor. I asked him if he knew any other second pastors who were in similar situations that I might begin to connect with on Facebook or via email. That way when I showed up I had one or two people I already knew rather than walking cold into a room of people I don’t know. He wasn’t in charge of registration so he didn’t know who was registered. I suggested we set up a Facebook page/group before the conference for people who were attending the conference. He liked the idea and made it happen. When I arrived I paid attention to making some significant lasting connections (PROCESS) with a couple of people and PACED myself and my relational energy by going to a movie one night by myself. Zack’s ideas helped me navigate this conference in an intentional way that played to my strengths.
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