Unpleasantville – Singles
Sycamore Creek Church
Genesis 14:17-20
Hebrews 5:5-10
Tom Arthur
February 14, 2010

Note to reader: This is a manuscript and not a transcript.  While I prepare a manuscript, I don’t preach from it.  All the major points are here, but there are bound to be some small differences from the sermon as it was preached live.  Also, expect some “bonus” material that wasn’t in the live sermon.

Peace, Friends!

This is probably the hardest sermon I’ve had to put together for this Unpleasantville series.  There’s something that seems even more difficult to me preaching about singleness as a married man than there was last week preaching about parenting without children.  Whose idea was this anyway?  And to preach about it on Valentine’s Day, the single person’s most despised Hallmark holiday?  Oh yeah.  It was my idea.  It was my idea because I sense that single people often experience great tension being single in our culture and in the church.  So I thought it was important to speak to that tension.  So, however this sermon turns out, it is my hope that it would be encouraging to the single people in our midst.

I was surprised to find that many famous people have been single: Plato, Isaac Newton, Susan B. Anthony, Coco Chanel, Elizabeth I of England, St. Francis, Joan of Arc, Thomas Jefferson (Widower for 19 years when he became president), Andrew Jackson (Widower), and more recently Condoleezza Rice.

One of the problems with speaking to single people is that it’s difficult to determine exactly who you’re speaking to.  The 2004 US census found that 43 percent of all U.S. residents age 15 and over are single, and a 2006 Gallup Poll found that of the 19% currently never married in the U.S. 66% (13%) intend to get married and 27% (5%) intend to remain single.  So if we have on average one hundred people in worship and if those one hundred people are representative of our broader community, there would be forty-three of you who were single.  Nineteen of you would have never been married.  Five or six of you would be intending to remain single.

There are of course many reasons people are single.  There are those who are not yet married because they haven’t found the right person and they’re not in a rush.  There are those who have not yet married because they haven’t found the right person and they are in a rush.  There are some of you who are single because of a recent breakup with a boyfriend or a girlfriend.  Some of those past relationships might have included children.  There are those (maybe not any here this morning) who are single because they’re a nun, monk, or Catholic priest.  Then there are those who are single because they just want to be single.  And that’s just those who haven’t been married yet.

There are those who have been married and are now single.  They may be single because they have separated from a spouse but are not yet divorced.  There are those who are single because they are divorced and not remarried.  Some of those who are separated or divorced have children and some do not.  Some who are divorced are still dating.  Others are done with dating.  Some were married but are now widows or widowers

With such a broad range of reasons for being single, who am I talking to in this sermon?  I am primarily talking to those who are no longer in the dating scene whether pre-married or post-married.  If you are still in the dating scene, then check out the sermon I preached recently on courting.  The gist of that sermon was to help you determine if it’s time to take the next step in commitment.  I suggested that it is time to say yes to the next step in commitment toward marriage when you realize you can keep the energy up in the relationship over the long-haul, the attraction is more than external, your community (friends, family, and church) supports you, you’re transparent with one another, and you know you can love the whole person (even the parts you don’t like).

Today I’m talking to those who are either “single by choice” or “single by circumstance” (as Susan Muto says in her book on singleness titled Celebrating the Single Life) and are not planning on dating any time soon.  Muto suggests that singleness can be a calling and “like any other calling, must be compatible with one’s temperament and talents, with one’s personal and social gifts and limits” (35).  I’d take what she says a step further.  A calling can be for a season or for a lifetime.

Natasha Bedingfield sings about this kind of singleness for a season in her song, Single:

I’m single
(Right now)
That’s how I wanna be
I’m single
(Right now)
That’s how I wanna be

…

Don’t need to be on somebody’s arm to look good
(I like who I am)
I’m not saying I don’t wanna fall in love ‘cos I would
I’m not gonna get hooked up just ‘cos you say I should
(Can’t romance on demand)
I’m gonna wait so I’m sorry if you misunderstood

With all that said, let’s get to some scripture this morning.  One of the difficulties of this sermon is that this series is focused on the book of Genesis, and Genesis doesn’t really have any single people in it.  There may be one though.  His name is Melchizedek.  Genesis doesn’t tell us that he is single, but no reference is made to his family.  Let’s read briefly about him:

Genesis 14:17-20

¹⁷ As Abram returned from his victory over Kedorlaomer and his allies, the king of Sodom came out to meet him in the valley of Shaveh (that is, the King’s Valley). ¹⁸ Then Melchizedek, the king of Salem and a priest of God Most High, brought him bread and wine. ¹⁹ Melchizedek blessed Abram with this blessing:

“Blessed be Abram by God Most High,

Creator of heaven and earth.

²⁰ And blessed be God Most High,

who has helped you conquer your enemies.”

Then Abram gave Melchizedek a tenth of all the goods he had recovered.

This is God’s story for us today.  Thank you, God.

So why is Melchizedek important for single people?  He’s important for many reasons, but one of the primary ways is that he is a pre-figure of Jesus.  If we jump to the book of Hebrews in the New Testament we find the following.

Hebrews 5:5-10

⁵ That is why Christ did not exalt himself to become High Priest. No, he was chosen by God, who said to him,

“You are my Son.

Today I have become your Father.”

⁶ And in another passage God said to him,

“You are a priest forever

in the line of Melchizedek .”

⁷ While Jesus was here on earth, he offered prayers and pleadings, with a loud cry and tears, to the one who could deliver him out of death. And God heard his prayers because of his reverence for God. ⁸ So even though Jesus was God’s Son, he learned obedience from the things he suffered. ⁹ In this way, God qualified him as a perfect High Priest, and he became the source of eternal salvation for all those who obey him. ¹⁰ And God designated him to be a High Priest in the line of Melchizedek.

This too is God’s story for us today.  Thank you, God!

There’s a lot in this passage from Hebrews, but the part I want to focus on is how Jesus is referred to as a priest in the order of Melchizedek.  In other words, Jesus is like Melchizedek and Melchizedek is like Jesus.  For this sermon, what’s important is that while Melchizedek isn’t said explicitly to be single, Jesus is most definitely single.  Jesus’ singleness is important because it shows us that marriage is not necessarily the standard for Christian relationships.  It does seem in the Old Testament that marriage is the standard, but by the time we get to the New Testament, marriage is no longer the standard.  Singleness is a completely acceptable and full way of living the Christian life.

Paul makes this very explicit when he says to the Corinthians, “I wish everyone could get along without marrying, just as I do” (7:7).  He says this is a concession and not a command in the verse that comes before this one, but it is clear in Paul’s mind that the preferable state is to be single.  This is probably because Paul thinks that Jesus’ return is imminent, right around the corner, and so he wonders why you’d want to get married when you know that Jesus is about to return.  Paul later comes to see that Jesus’ return might not be as imminent as he had originally thought.

This verse and others like it have certainly been quoted in ways to singles that have been hurtful to them.  Single people are often told that you should like being single because Paul prefers people to be single.  That’s not what I’m saying here.  What I’m saying is that marriage is not the standard.  Marriage need not be the standard against which you judge whether you’re a faithful Christian or not.  You are not a half-Christian or half-person because you are single.  You can be a full person and follow Jesus fully while being single.

While being single is a perfectly acceptable way to live out one’s Christian commitments, it does not erase some of the basic needs that we as humans have.  The first of those needs is that we were all created for community.  There is a difference between being single and alone and being single and lonely.  Being lonely has more to do with the lack of community in one’s life.  Ideally the church would be the place where a single Christian would find that kind of community that would make the difference between being alone and being lonely.

In this sense, the single person, like every Christian, is married to Christ.  The church is even often called the “bride of Christ.”  We see this in Revelation when John says, “Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb [Jesus] has come, and his bride [the church] has made herself ready” (19:7, NRSV).  Ambrose, the fourth century bishop of Milan, says, “It is certain that as Eve was bone of the bones of her husband and flesh of his flesh, we also are members of Christ’s body, bones of his bones and flesh of his flesh” (Ancient Christian Commentary, 71).  There is a unity of one-flesh between the members of the church and the bridegroom, Christ.

The reality of the church in America is that we rarely provide this kind of community for single people.  We have bought more into the cultural standard of the nuclear family of two parents with children living together in a single-family household, but this does not need to be the case.  We could live differently.  Sarah and I have had a small taste of this when in seminary we lived with other Christians in a hospitality house, the Isaiah House.  Married people lived right alongside single people.  This did not always solve every problem (sometimes it even increased the problems!), but it was a step in the right direction.

One small example of this from my own experience is that Sarah often travels for her job.  When she is gone I am like a lost puppy dog.  I wander around the house aimlessly.  I feel like a boat that has been unanchored and is adrift.  When we lived in the Isaiah House things were different.  When Sarah was gone, I still had the community of other Christians.  I was alone but not lonely.  We ate together.  We prayed together.  If I wanted to go on a walk with someone, there were people around to ask.  This was a very different way of being church.  It was not perfect, but it opens up our imaginations to what could be.  We were created for community.  Singles may be alone, but they need not be lonely when the church is truly being the church.

We were all also created for service.  There is a common economic term used to describe a particular group of people: DINKs.  This stands for “Double Income No Kids.”  Sarah and I are DINKs.  In the life of the DINK there is a great temptation to take all that time and money that one would focus on kids and serve ourselves rather than serving others.  I wonder if the same is not true of SINKs.  Single Income No Kids.  SINKs have a kind of flexibility in time and flexibility in commitments that others might not have.  This flexibility has the potential to do great good.  I wonder if SINKs at times don’t end up being married to the jobs.  This is not what I’m talking about in terms of service. I’m not talking about serving your boss.  Although some of you may be at a job which is also your vocation or calling.  If so, perhaps you do have the great blessing of being able to put more time into your calling.  Rather, what I’m talking about is being free to serve your church, your community, and your world.  This is what I think was at the foundation of Paul’s preference that people remain single: they are freer to serve.  Sarah has a friend who is single who is a Wycliffe missionary.  Wycliffe is a Bible translation mission.  Her freedom as a single person is some of what allows her to be strong in missions.  The Methodist revival in America was mostly due to single Methodist preachers who remained extremely flexible as they traveled the countryside on their horses preaching from town to town.

One last area I want to hit on is singles and sex.  On March 21^st I’m going to be preaching a full sermon on sex, so this is not intended to be that sermon.  In a nutshell, Christians are called to the discipline of celibacy.  That means no marriage, no sex.  No ring, no fling.  Within marriage, fidelity.  But this leaves open the question of masturbation.

What I am about to say about masturbation is an area that I think there is room to disagree about and remain in community together, but my own personal reading of scripture leads me to believe that there is nothing wrong with masturbation given several caveats.

Let’s look at scripture.  There is no explicit command in scripture against masturbation.  The one that has been used is from Genesis.  It is about Onan who was the second son of Judah, one of the twelve sons of Israel.  Judah married his first son to Tamar and he died.  He then gave his second son, Onan to Tamar who was according to cultural custom supposed to have sex with Tamar so that she would not be without children.  Here’s where we pick up the story.  We read, “But Onan was not willing to have a child who would not be his own heir. So whenever he had intercourse with Tamar, he spilled the semen on the ground to keep her from having a baby who would belong to his brother” (Genesis 38:9, NLT).  This did not make God happy and so Onan dies.  The issue at hand here has more to do with questions of birth control than it does with questions of masturbation.

Let’s look at my caveats.  First, I’m talking about single people, not married people.  If you’re married, your sexual duty is to your spouse, not yourself.  Paul talking to the Corinthians again says, “The husband should not deprive his wife of sexual intimacy, which is her right as a married woman, nor should the wife deprive her husband. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband also gives authority over his body to his wife” (1 Corinthians 7:3-4, NLT).  Husbands and wives bodies belong to one another.  Your body is not your own.  In the case of men, most men have lost their mojo once they masturbate so it’s pretty hard to provide your wife sexual intimacy once you’ve masturbated.  So my first caveat about masturbation: it is for single people, not married people.  There does, of course, need to be a transition away from masturbation when one gets married.

Second, while the Bible does not explicitly speak about masturbation, it does speak very clearly about lust.  Perhaps the most well known verse is Jesus’ teaching that looking on a woman with lust is the equivalent of committing adultery (Matthew 5:27-30).  Therefore, if masturbation is acceptable, it is only acceptable without lust being involved.  For most men, this is almost impossible to imagine.  Most men treat masturbation the way that Doug Roberts talks about masturbation in an article in Glamour magazine.  He says, “[O]ne of the things I love about masturbation is that it’s sex with anybody I want: Halle Berry, the weather-woman, the blond who brushed against me on the subway” (as quoted in Real Sex by Lauren Winner, 116).  Perhaps a way of imagining masturbation as not involving lust is to consider the desire of hunger and eating.  Most of us don’t think about what the food looks like when we’re fulfilling our hunger by eating.  We focus on how it tastes.

My third caveat: fulfilling the desire of masturbation should be done in moderation.  Perhaps the analogy of eating is also appropriate here.  The desire to eat is a natural desire.  It can also be taken too far to the point that food runs our lives.  The question here  about masturbation is: what controls you?  Do your desires control you or are your desires submitted to Christ?  The question immediately comes up: well, how often can I masturbate?  The answer to that question is: I don’t know.  If you’re asking whether you masturbate too often, I wonder if you may have already crossed the line.  I think the answer to this question is probably different for each individual.  If you want to talk about it more, I’m happy to consider it (although if you are a woman who is wrestling with this issue, it might be more comfortable for you to talk to another woman).

My last caveat is that it is OK also to completely abstain from masturbation.  The Bible does speak positively about taking certain vows of abstaining from things that are otherwise good.  The Nazarite Vow is one example where someone agrees not to cut their hair or drink any alcohol.  This is not a condemnation of hair cutting or drinking.  It is a special discipline of abstaining from the good to dedicate oneself for the great.  This too is good.

Now that I’ve spoken about masturbation, I suspect this will become known as the masturbation sermon and by now you’ve forgotten all about what I said at the beginning of the sermon.  Sex and masturbation are not the only things single people struggle with.  So let’s go back and review the other points of the sermon.  First, singleness can be a calling for a season.  It need not be for a lifetime.  Second, marriage is not the Christian standard.  Single people can be full Christians.  Third, singles like everyone else are created for community and service.  Fourth, a Christian ethic of sexuality is: no ring, no fling.  And yet, masturbation without lust or excess can be OK for single Christians but not for married Christians.

That’s a lot about being single and being Christian.  I’m sure there’s even more that could be said.  The good news is that a single savior has already walked these roads before us and continues to walk this journey with us.  For this we give thanks to God through the Spirit.  Amen.

Unpleasantville – Parents and Children
Sycamore Creek Church
Genesis 22:1-13
Tom Arthur
February 7, 2010

Download this sermon at
www.sycamorecreekchurch.org/messages

Note to reader: This is a manuscript and not a transcript.  While I prepare a manuscript, I don’t preach from it.  All the major points are here, but there are bound to be some small differences from the sermon as it was preached live.  Also, expect some “bonus” material that wasn’t in the live sermon.

Peace, Friends.

Today I’m preaching on my favorite topic in this Unpleasantville series: parenting.  It’s my favorite topic because nothing I say today has ever been proved wrong!  OK, so I don’t have any children, but not being married has never stopped a priest from doing pre-marital counseling.  So with that little disclaimer, let’s dive in and see what we can learn about parenting from the story of Abraham and Isaac.

Genesis 22:1-13 (NLT)

¹ Later on God tested Abraham’s faith and obedience. “Abraham!” God called.

“Yes,” he replied. “Here I am.”

² “Take your son, your only son — yes, Isaac, whom you love so much — and go to the land of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains, which I will point out to you.”

³ The next morning Abraham got up early. He saddled his donkey and took two of his servants with him, along with his son Isaac. Then he chopped wood to build a fire for a burnt offering and set out for the place where God had told him to go. ⁴ On the third day of the journey, Abraham saw the place in the distance. ⁵ “Stay here with the donkey,” Abraham told the young men. “The boy and I will travel a little farther. We will worship there, and then we will come right back.”

⁶ Abraham placed the wood for the burnt offering on Isaac’s shoulders, while he himself carried the knife and the fire. As the two of them went on together, ⁷ Isaac said, “Father?”

“Yes, my son,” Abraham replied.

“We have the wood and the fire,” said the boy, “but where is the lamb for the sacrifice?”

⁸ “God will provide a lamb, my son,” Abraham answered. And they both went on together.

⁹ When they arrived at the place where God had told Abraham to go, he built an altar and placed the wood on it. Then he tied Isaac up and laid him on the altar over the wood. ¹⁰ And Abraham took the knife and lifted it up to kill his son as a sacrifice to the LORD. ¹¹ At that moment the angel of the LORD shouted to him from heaven, “Abraham! Abraham!”

“Yes,” he answered. “I’m listening.”

¹² “Lay down the knife,” the angel said. “Do not hurt the boy in any way, for now I know that you truly fear God. You have not withheld even your beloved son from me.”

¹³ Then Abraham looked up and saw a ram caught by its horns in a bush. So he took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering on the altar in place of his son.

This is God’s story for us today.  Thank you, God!

Before getting to the message, I’ve got one caveat: if you think God is telling you to sacrifice your children, DON’T DO IT!  You may have days where you feel like killing your child.  Do not attempt to kill your child.  This is not the point of this story.  So what is the point?

This is a rich and complex story with more layers of meaning and more questions which it raises than any one sermon could ever hope to engage.  Today I’d like to reflect on one theme in this story: giving your children up to God.  In verse twelve we read: “‘Lay down the knife,’ the angel said. ‘Do not hurt the boy in any way, for now I know that you truly fear God. You have not withheld even your beloved son from me.’”  Abraham is shown to be in right relationship with God because he did not withhold his beloved son from God.  How do we withhold our children from God? I’d like to offer some suggestions this morning about how to give your children to God.

It seems these days that we have a hard time giving up our children to just about anything.  A recent cover story in Time magazine (November, 2009) highlights a phenomenon called “helicopter parenting.”  Have you heard of this phenomenon?  It’s where parents so overprotect their children that they literally hover over almost everything they do.  They wrap them in a protective layer of bubble wrap so that they never get hurt.  This parenting style is all about the parent and the parent’s control.  Children raised in this overprotective setting grow up not knowing how to live life because their parents were living it for them, not willing to let go.  Abraham’s example is on the other end of the spectrum, isn’t it?

So how then, do we give our children up to God?  I’d like to suggest that we give our children up to God early, plainly, frequently, patiently, and fully (I’m indebted to John Wesley’s sermon, On Family Religion for this framework).

Early

How early do we begin giving up our children to God?  The answer is: from the moment they are born.  We tend to think that Christianity is all about knowing the right stuff, and since small children, let alone infants, can’t know or understand fully what all this stuff is that we believe and do as Christians, then there’s no point in them joining in.  This is a misconception about God.  If one is required to know and understand fully all the mysteries of God to participate in our practices of the faith, then no one should participate.  Let’s look at some specific examples: baptism, communion, and prayer.

First, it is appropriate to have your infant baptized.  There are two parts to God’s salvation, our part and God’s part.  The most important side of that equation is God’s part.  Our part is simply a response to God’s grace already at work in us.  When we baptize infants, we emphasize the God-part of that equation.  It is abundantly clear that this infant has done absolutely nothing to earn God’s grace.  God’s grace to this infant is completely and totally free.  It is even gratuitous.  When we baptize older persons (older children, teenagers, or adults) we emphasize our part in the equation.  In either instance of baptism, we don’t ignore the other part.  Salvation includes both our part and God’s part.  Of the two, God’s part is more important.  It is ultimately up to a parent to decide to baptize an infant, but there is no reason not to begin giving up your child to God early.

Second, it is appropriate for children to participate in communion.  Once again, Jesus’ presence at the communion table is not something that is dependent upon us fully knowing or understanding what is going on.  If it was required to fully know and understand, then none of us could approach the table.  Certainly knowing and understanding parts of God’s grace mystery at the communion table help those who are able to know and understand, but it is not a requirement.  Children can fully enter into God’s presence at the communion table, and in some ways may be better able to do so than adults!  Again, it is ultimately up to a parent to decide whether their child can come to the communion table, but there is no reason not to continue giving up your child to God early.

Third, it is appropriate to pray with and for your child before they can even speak.  When I lived with other families at the Isaiah House during my time at seminary, there were several children in the house.  One of the children in the house was named Luke.  We prayed every day at the dinner table.  One of his first words was “amen” at the end of these table prayers.  It was a predictable moment for him every day.  Sure, it was more like “a-yah”, but he said it at the right time every night as we sat around the dinner table.

Luke took this even further one night.  We would sit down to the table and whoever prepared the meal would ask, “Who will pray for us tonight?”  We would often sit quietly for a brief moment waiting for someone to offer to pray.  One night after I asked, “Who will pray for us tonight?”, Luke raised up his voice and said, “I ill.”  We understood that he was offering to pray.  He did not yet have the language skills to put together full sentences, but we all went with the Spirit and bowed our heads.  Luke prayed a prayer that night in a language we did not understand, but we knew when he had finished because we heard him say, “A-yah.”  Parents, are you giving your children up to God early?

Plainly

Spending time around children while living in the Isaiah House showed me just how many teachable moments there are in the day of a child.  I’d like to say that I was particularly good at noticing these, but I was not always.  Sarah was much better than I was.  I was amazed at times at how she could turn a conversation with a child toward a teachable moment and speak plainly to the child in a language they could understand about who God is and what God desires of us.  Parents, if one of you is better at this than the other, watch and learn from your spouse.

We had a young three-year-old boy in our home when we first moved in.  I’ll call him “Cory.”  Cory’s dad was not in his life, but his mom was pretty incredible.  Sarah and I have more Cory stories than we have time to tell.  One day I was sitting on the couch in the living room and Cory was climbing all over me like I was a jungle gym.  He loved having my attention and I loved the physicality of the play (Fathers, isn’t it odd that the only time it’s socially acceptable to touch our boys is when we’re wrestling with them?).  Cory was climbing up the front of my body like I was a climbing wall and found a good hand hold on the collar of my shirt.  As he pulled his body up, my shirt stretched out enough for him to shove his face down my shirt.  He popped his head back out and looked me in the face eye-to-eye bewildered.  He shouted out, “Where are your titties?!”  (I’m using his language here and not intending to offend anyone.)

Now this was an incredible moment to speak plainly to Cory and teach him something about the mysteries of God creating humans male and female and how both were made in God’s image and were equal even though they were different.  (Parents, it’s never too early to begin talking about sex with your children.  You don’t have to explain all the details, but you can avoid “The talk” to your teenager if you have been talking plainly and simply about sex their entire lives.)  So what did I, this seminary student training to be a pastor, do?  I said what every guy says in this moment, “Ummmm….You’d better go talk to your mom about that.”  If I had been graded on that interaction, my professor would have to give me a big fat F for failing to speak plainly to Cory in a language he could understand about God and God’s creation.  Parents, speak plainly to your children.

Frequently

How often should a parent give up their child to God?  Maybe another question that can shed light on this question would be: How often do you care for the physical needs of your child?  The answer to that question is that you feed them at least three times a day.  Can you not feed your child spiritually three times a day as well?  This could be a simple as a family prayer at each meal of the day.  But it could be more too.

Sarah’s parents found that as she and her sister got older it was harder and harder to have everyone around the dinner table.  Her parents decided that they were going to adapt to this new situation by making breakfast their family meal.  Everyone was expected to be at the breakfast table at a certain time in the morning.  This is an amazingly simple and obvious spark of creativity just toward having a family meal together, but her parents took it further.  They also took time at each breakfast to read the Bible together, to read a brief devotional, and to pray together as a family.  Wow!

Breakfast may not be the right time in your family, but consider a way to give your children up to God by feeding them spiritually three times a day or more.

Patiently

As children grow up it may seem that your attempts to give your child up to God are being as successful as hitting your head against a brick wall.  Persevere.  I was at a conference one time when the speaker, Roland Martinson, told about his own experience with his daughter.  He said that she went in to a cave sometime around the age of thirteen and really quit talking to him in any meaningful way.  He decided that even though she would not talk to him, that didn’t mean that he couldn’t talk to her.  So every night as she went to bed, he would sit by her bed and tell her how his day went.  He often wondered whether she was even listening.

Roland’s daughter didn’t come out of her cave until she graduated from college.  One day after she had graduated she made the off-hand comment to him that she remembered all the great conversations they had before she went to bed each night.  Roland was stunned.  To him, these had not been conversations but had been monologues.  He was patient and he persevered.  Parents, give your children up to God patiently.

Fully

There is one last way of giving your child up to God with which I want to conclude.  When all is said and done and you have given your children up to God early, plainly, frequently, and patiently, you must now take the last step and fully let go of your child and allow them to respond to God’s grace or to turn from God’s grace.  It is not your responsibility or privilege to make them have faith.  That job is already taken.  It is God and God only who gives the gift of faith.  You may have been a perfect parent, and your child may still turn from God.  This is not necessarily your fault.  God gives each of us  the great freedom to respond to or reject God’s love and grace.  Giving your child up to God early, plainly, frequently, and patiently is not a magic formula for faith.  It is rather a formula for your own faithfulness as a parent.  The rest, and most important part, is in God’s hands.